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Posts from the ‘Training’ Category

May 6

A one-day weekend

I once heard that one in every four women sweat more profusely than the others. I’ve always been one of “those” women. I sweat pretty easily. I’ll start shooting video on a relatively nice day and within 20 minutes beads of sweat will be rolling down my back. This is probably too much information, but it’s true.

In nearly every race photo, I look like a sweat factory.

The photo above is my shirt from today’s run. (No, I didn’t run the marathon last year, only the half, but nearly ALL the apparel for the Nike event is “marathon” related. I only ran five miles too.

Today is Sunday. It’s also my one-day weekend.

Yesterday I had dreams of relaxing and even going wine tasting with my husband. He mentioned it last week. Last night he sent me a text saying his family was having lunch for his nephew today. I didn’t go.

I can count pretty high up on the things I haven’t gone to lately. Ask my parents. Ask my grandmothers. They haven’t seen me in what has been months. Why? I’m tired. And I stay home when I get the chance because every single day Monday through Friday I’m working nearly 12 hours between my two jobs.

What’s that you say? I did this to myself. Yes. And I should be thankful to even have one job let alone two? I am, believe me I am. My second job helps pay for races. And let’s face it, that’s really important to me. Seriously.

But I flat out refuse to do ANYTHING on my days off sometimes. I mean, outside of doing the laundry because if I didn’t no one would. (One time, I’ll tell you about when I went out of two for nearly a week, came home on a Sunday and my husband didn’t have any clothes because he didn’t do his own laundry. It happened.) I’ll be fair, he did vacuum yesterday.

I worked on Saturday launching an annual project at work. I’ll end up switching my day off for Tuesday, which I would have taken as a vacation day otherwise to teacher. So on weeks like this, I do a day switch that results in me having one day off in a 13 day period, because on my day off from my full-time job, I’m at my part-time job all day.

Understand? Yeah, my husband gets lost with my schedule too.

I ran eight on Saturday before work. Today I got up, showered and went to Target early. Because Target early is better, when no one is there. Also because something amazing happened at Target today.

The Shops at Target debuted. It’s like a mini boutique collection. Items from five different shops were put out today. I love it when Target gets fancy.

I score a great navy eyelet skirt for $29.99 from The Webster collection. (No photo because it’s in the washing machine since it’s a very shrinkable 100-percent cotton).

And candy.

The tragedy is that the candy assorted is available in San Francisco, only about 60 miles from me. Not even a long drive considering I lived in Oakland, right across the bay, for two years.

Then I started watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Both movies. One right after another.

I realized a couple hours ago it was time to get my run in. Usually if I wake up, take my shower and start my day, I forget the run. It’s a success when I come back to it and do it.

It was also the perfect time to test out two new items to make my left IT band, the one that rages at me (I imagine it giving me the middle finger when I run), a more happy IT band.

Look! My carpet isn’t a disaster! And I had to tighten that band up quite a bit to prevent it from slipping down over my Nike retro capris, which are longer than most of the capris I’ve been buying lately, a good thing if you ask me. One day I’ll write a side-by-side of the Nike retro capris and the Lululemon Run: In the Sun capris. Same premise, different execution.

I hoped on my treadmill. Which is right next to a window. Which was receiving the bulk of the sun. At nearly the hottest time of the day. Fail.

But I pushed through, watching “Don’t be Afraid of the Dark” with Katie Holmes. I’m usually not a fan of her. I became less of a fan when she married Tom Cruise. Because I’m really not a fan of him. But it was a decently scary horror movie.

I’ve been picking up the pace lately, turning the treadmill to a higher speed. So I averaged a 10:54 mile.

At 54:34 I hit five miles. And, rather than pushing it for a couple more, I decided that was enough.

Then, I tried out my second new running-related item.

It’s the Trigger Point Quadballer. And it’s a little like Heaven.

I immediately rolled out my left IT band, which didn’t have any pain  probably thanks to the new band. It’s much firmer than the Trigger Point Grid roller that I love as well. This puts nice pressure where I need it.

Now I’m rounding out my one-day weekend by watching Netflix on the couch while waiting for clothes to dry for me to fold.

And hanging out with Beau.

Who needs to be brushed. Pretty badly.

A good day? Yes. I know I still need to/want to run outside and not resort to my treadmill. I really want to hit the trails and sidewalks of Mountain House, but my schedule has prevented it lately.

I only have two more weeks of teaching for the semester. Then I’m planning a summer of running. Lots and lots of running.

May 2

A tough training 21: Part II

My alarm clock at the motel hit close to 3 a.m. and i knew it was time to wake up.

I knew if I fell back asleep I’d wake up tired. I knew if I tried to even hit snooze at 3 a.m. I would make it to the bus. So I rolled out of bed and headed to shower. I’m one of those strange runners who actually showers in the morning before my runs. Just a quick one. And I usually don’t do my hair or anything.

I went to the bathroom. I hit the shower. And I got dressed.

I’m going to be real for a minute: I hate not knowing when I can next go to the bathroom. It’s likely a side effect of taking medication for high blood sugar for three years, but I don’t like not knowing where the closest bathroom is. That makes this next part important.

I ALWAYS get really nervous before my runs. To the point that I have to go. ALL THE TIME. And I was worried, severely worried, about the 45-minute bus ride up the coast. I didn’t know what kind of bus I’d be on. I didn’t know if we’d be stopping anywhere (we weren’t). I was extremely worried.

I know this might be TMI, but this is a real issue for runners.

By the time Thomas dropped me off at the Monterey Marriott at about 4:20 a.m., the buses were lined up.

The volunteers were all really, really helpful. The marathoners were still boarding there buses, so we waited until the 21-milers were allowed to load. I headed into the Monterey Marriott and there was a bathroom right in the lobby. (WOOOOOO!)

Then I realized that we’d be boarding the tour buses, which also have bathrooms on board.

I was THRILLED. It’s hard to explain how thrilled I was. My husband swears up and down I have issues with going to the bathroom too much. He’s also become quite accustomed to it. Others don’t understand though.

I briefly chatted with the woman next to me. Really just to ask her if I could turn off the light. And we were off.

Into the night.

It looked all black.

Seriously. Everything.

We drove quietly up Highway 1. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. All I could see were taillights of the buses in front of us. I vaguely could make out the waves off the coast. It was eerie.

I read somewhere that the bus ride is disorienting. It is. Very much so. And you think the entire way as you are driving: “I have to run all this to get back to where I started.” It’s kind of daunting.

We made it to the staging area and there weren’t a ton of people there.

And it was still dark.

I opened my bag and pulled out an apple and part of a Luna bar. That was my breakfast. I jumped in a portable toilet right when I got there too. (Never did have to use the one of the bus, which made me really glad.)

And I got some stretching done too.

So I’m actually on a rock. Apparently it was a really popular rock. People kept walking all over me. I wasn’t even in the way.

There were bananas, apples and other fruits. And coffee and water. I don’t drink coffee, but I took down a couple cups of water. I felt a little dehydrated.

As it began to get lighter, a yoga session started. I didn’t partake, instead doing my own stretches. A lot of people did.

At about 6:40 a.m. we were lined up near the bottom of the driveway at Andrew Molera State Park. The road in front of us was 21 miles to Carmel.

The timing mat was actually at the top of the hill. I power walked up it instead of running.

Then things started moving. We took off right at 6:45 a.m.

And just as quickly as I started, I realized this wasn’t going to be easy. I wasn’t doing it for time as much as experience. And it wasn’t an easy path.

All uphill at the beginning, a nice downhill, a huge uphill and rolling hills (and banked streets) the rest of the way. Wow. A nice, easy Sunday run? I think not.

And then there were the headwinds. Yes, headwinds. On Hurricane Point (the tallest peak on the elevation chart) I was battered back and forth across the road. It sucked. My glasses were covered in dew. My long-sleeve shirt was wet at one point. I didn’t even bother taking if off until about three miles before the finish.

I battled. In certain places it looked, in my Garmin data, like I was moving very, very slowly. But I kept going.

Because I was treating it like a training run, I stopped and went to the bathroom whenever I need to. That added more than 10 minutes on to my time.

But it was cold. Damp. Windy. And my head was raging the first eight miles.

Raging. I couldn’t shake the headache.

I just kept moving, hoping it would go away. And it did after about my second Vanilla Bean Gu.

By the way, my savior of the day was the Gu. I wouldn’t have made it without the Gu.

My overall average was 13:14 miles.

The steepest hills were the longest miles. I’m not proud that I took that long. But it happened. I’ll own it.

Thomas was expecting me about the 4:30 time mark.

I came in at 4:42 and he was yelling for me nonetheless. My feet had blisters. My ankles, after running through the banked road in the Carmel Highlands, were now cankles. I’m not even kidding, my ankles were so inflamed I can still not bend them properly.

And my IT band, which seemed to hold out pretty good during the run, started throbbing the moment I stopped. It was kind of like it just knew. It knew I was over. It was pissed. Two days later I’m still dealing with the aftermath of that.

Big Sur isn’t an easy run. And it’s definitely not a true “training run.” But it was beautiful. I didn’t take a lot of photos, obviously, because I was too enraptured in enjoying the beauty in general.

The finish line was crazy busy. I sat down for a good twenty minutes and then realized if I didn’t start walking around, I likely wouldn’t be able to. So I got up and lost Thomas. I realized suddenly that  I had checked a bag with a sweater. I went and grabbed that too. And then Thomas and I decided it was time to leave. I come for the run. I don’t often stay after.

So we started walking off, but not before he shot a last photo of me near the finish.

And I was happy with how it all came together. Sure, I didn’t have the best time. But I got through a very tough training run. I knew that the only way out was through. That’s what I focused on. The good thing about living close to Monterey, only within three hours, is that we hopped back in the car and made our way home after the race.

By 3:30 p.m., I was home on the couch resting my legs with ice.

When it comes down to it, there were likely better ways to get my longest run of the training cycle in. I know that. But I think Big Sur offered a nice challenge. I faced nearly every weather condition on the run and still came out OK. And stronger for it.

Next up? An 18-miler closer to home on May 12. Then Bay to Breakers before the end of this marathon training cycle.

I’m not 100 percent confident in my marathon conditioning so far, but I’m feeling a little more prepared after the Big Sur 21-miler.

May 1

A tough training 21: Part I

Let it be known that I’m crazy sometimes. I often expect a surprising positive results when I know the situation will not dictate it. This is usually the case at work. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Therefore, sometimes, I’m insane.

Signing up for a 21-mile run along the California coast where two miles of it, near the beginning nonetheless, are straight uphill when my training consists of running small rolling hills is definitely a sign that something is very wrong with me.

“It could be fun,” I thought when signing up for the run last December. It was my “I just ran a marathon” gift to myself. Yeah, I used to buy shoes, now I sign up for other runs. I’m crafty like that.

So as the weeks rolled down and I was unable to get in my 15-mile training run preceding the event this weekend, I only started to worry slightly. It was a training run, after all. I was using it as a training run.

Except my husband came along. And we stayed overnight. Thank God too, since my wake-up was at 3 a.m. And we ate a nice dinner. It was very much like my marathon more than six months ago (wow, it’s been that long!).

So we packed up some overnight goods and headed to the Monterey Peninsula for the Big Sur 21-miler.

It was, for the most part, a nice drive. We headed through the Bay Area, on Highway 101. It was about a two hour plus drive. No stops. That’s surprising for me, since I usually have to go to the bathroom on long drives.

We headed up Highway 17 near Santa Cruz, then to Highway 1. The same Highway 1 that leads from Carmel to Big Sur, but we didn’t get that far. We stopped in Monterey where the sun was shining and it was warm.

Oh hey ocean! I’ve missed the open water so much since I left Oakland in 2007. I used to be able to see the San Francisco Bay everyday from the campus at University of California, Berkeley where I earned my masters degree in journalism.

We hit up the expo first thing once getting into town.

My husband is not like me at all when it comes to making things simple. He had to find a place to park that was free. When I was with my mom for the Big Sur Half Marathon last fall, I parked in the first garage I found. Bam. It was $6. Simple and easy. No worry about getting a ticket.

Thomas dropped me off. He went and found a free spot blocks and blocks away.

I’ve blogged about my tired little legs as of late. I didn’t want to walk those blocks. Especially if I knew I’d be running 21 miles the next day. But that’s how he is. (Also note that he is likely one of the most patient men in the world, I do appreciate that too.)

The expo was much more packed than the half was last November.

This was my one clear photo from the shirt pickup.

I went upstairs and found the single line for the 21-miler. It appears only 675 people finished it, so I understand the need for only one line. I just happened to be behind three air-head type women. I’m sorry, I usually don’t call out other people, but these chicks not only didn’t bring their bib numbers to the counter. Then they let another woman get in line with them. Then they asked why they couldn’t pick up their bus tickets right there (it was a three foot walk, seriously). Then they had to stop and take a photo right in front of me. COME ON. Get your stuff and be done.

So I got my bib after all that.

And, more importantly, my bus ticket.

I’ve never felt so much like Charlie from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”

I was lucky enough to score a late boarding ticket. “Brown ticket” for “Monterey Marriott Loading.” That meant I was on one of nearly the last buses heading up the coast. Score. I could sleep in.

Little did I know I wouldn’t get to. (THANKS INSOMNIA!)

I went downstairs for my awesome Big Sur 21-miler shirt. It’s light blue, with purple writing. I love it as much as I love my Half Marathon shirt from last November.

Confession: I used to think the Big Sur shirts were so cheesy. I don’t anymore. Big Sur International Marathon has a classic sense to its designs. Nothing frilly. Nothing too fancy. Basic, yet beautiful. Always with some part of the Bixby Bridge on the marathon-style gear.

Thomas caught up to me down at the expo. I was checking out booths. I was hoping to score some new compression sleeves. No go. I didn’t even find anything else other than my race shirt saying “21-miler.” This was like the Nike Women’s Half where everything says Nike Women’s Marathon. Yeah, it’s the event name. I get it.

We did a little expo wine tasting. I even bought a bottle of $20 chardonnay with the marathon logo on it. It was a commemoration bottle. Nice.

But I found chocolate.

A very fancy, expensive chocolate store.

And I partook. Yes, yes I did.

They were expensive. I needed a disclaimer. I still have some left. I’m good at restraint. Not really, though. I ate too much today. Way too much. I promise to be better tomorrow and go back to the diet.

Then we headed to the motel. It was nice. Not too fancy. Not the Hyatt my mom and I stayed at either. Thomas, again, doesn’t like spending a lot on things. He booked one of the cheapest, albeit nicest hotels he could find. It was OK. I always bring a comfort blanket, a tip I got before the marathon, to help me sleep.

On suggestion from one of the Big Sur volunteers, we took some free appetizer coupons and headed to Fisherman’s Wharf where a bunch of marathoners, 21-milers and other event savvy types were headed.

We selected Isabella’s. Our free appetizer was fried artichokes. So good. We opted to eat outside. It wasn’t cold at all. And they were going to seat us in a corner in the actual restaurant. I didn’t really want to sit in a corner when the advertisement said: “All seats are ocean view.” Yeah, not so much.

We were greeted by a seagull who wanted to get all up in our business. He was kind of funny, so he didn’t bother us too much. Thomas even wanted to pose with the seagull. I called him “Buff.” He seemed like a combination between our dog Beau and our duck Duff, so Buff seemed appropriate.

I ordered a margarita. Between tired legs and nerves, I thought it was necessary. And I didn’t drink so much it would be detrimental to the run.

And I ordered beef. A steak. I usually order chicken. Or something lean.

But something caught my eye on the menu.

Rib Eye with a baked potato. And butternut squash risotto. Yes please.

It was delicious.

Then we walked the beach for a little bit and headed back to the hotel.

It was such a beautiful day. The wharf was close to our motel. The dinner was good. Overall, a nice night. We went back to the motel and ate the chocolate and I drank a lot of water. No Diet Coke even. Too bad that didn’t help me fall asleep.

Then I did what I typically do the night before a run.

I put everything out to make getting ready in the morning, at this point 3 a.m., easy for the next morning.

I put my head down at 9 p.m. I thought I’d fall asleep fast based on the fact that I was tired from the drive and seemed to be drowsy. I took a couple Ibuprofens because of a slight headache and laid down. Thomas watched television for a while then went and hung out in the bathroom to let me sleep. He watched Netflix in the bathroom. See, a patient man.

At 10 p.m. I looked at the clock. I still wasn’t sleeping. I tossed and turned. I took another Ibuprofen. I couldn’t sleep. Thomas crawled in bed sometime after 11 p.m. and I kept falling asleep a little, then waking up.

I must have collectively slept for two hours when I looked at my phone and noticed it said 2:52 a.m.

I’m up, I thought. Let’s do this.

And with two hours of sleep and the headache that didn’t seem to be disappearing, I started getting ready for my longest and most difficult training run ever.

 

Apr 28

Lottery luck

Sometimes I get lucky. Just plain lucky. I owe some great career moves to luck really. I have two great internships out of state because of, what I think, is luck. I have a good job because of luck. I’m lucky in a lot of ways.

Running has never been one of those fields I’m lucky in. Despite giving it everything I have,  haven’t been able to gain speed or do better than a 2:27-ish half marathon. I bust my butt and still, it’s a constant struggle.

Last year, I signed up for a group ID and registered for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in San Francisco. I waited, lost sleep and kept checking my credit card statement.

I watched the Facebook page all day long. And finally, a day after they started announcing that they were selecting entries, I as notified I hadn’t won a coveted spot.

I was crushed. I couldn’t believe that the one half marathon I’d wanted to do since I started running was now off limits. I was so upset I didn’t really let reality sink in. That’s probably why, months later, I was still looking for entry. And, as I started this blog right before I ran that race, I think it’s now known that I found a way in as part of a sponsored team.

Four weeks ago, I applied to run this year’s half marathon. Yesterday, I got in. I was greeted at 6 a.m. when I woke up with an email in my inbox that said the following:

Whether it’s your first or fiftieth race, there really is no other feeling quite like standing at the starting line.

We’re so glad that in 2012, you’ll be sharing that moment with us.

That’s right, you read that correctly. You’ve officially been selected to run in the 2012 Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco. Congratulations!

I’ll admit it: I did a happy dance.

Why? I love, love, love this race. I love to run in San Francisco. I love my Nikes too. I’m thrilled to be running it again. So thrilled.

But with luck also comes disappointment. On a whim, I also applied to run the New York City Marathon. Because I’m crazy? Because I really needed to off and fly 3,000-plus miles away for a marathon?

Actually it’s because after my visit to New York City last summer on vacation, I kind of fell in love with Central Park and Staten Island. (Two very different places, yes.)

I actually imagined going for a run in Central Park. But we stayed on Staten Island in a not so view friendly part of town (I did see the tip of the Bayonne Bride from my window, though). I thought it would be thrilling to run New York.

But it wasn’t to be.

Instead, after all the Wednesday fanfare and realizing that my credit card hadn’t been charged (these days a tell-tale sign of “getting in”), I knew it wasn’t happening for me.

Only today (seriously two days later) did I receive the email notifying me that I didn’t make the cut.

Well snap.

After last year’s Nike rejection, I kind of felt as if I’d been in that place before. I didn’t hurt as deep. I didn’t feel betrayed. And I shouldn’t have really.

A race is a race.

Many big races nowadays use lotteries because they are so in demand. (I wonder how many people opted NOT to sign up for the Nike event in San Francisco, though, because the company is now going a half next spring in Washington, D.C.)

To be fair, though, I’m still a little shocked I got into Nike via the lottery this year. I had planned to take quite a bit of time off from long-distance running this summer/fall and into the winter. My goal was to reclaim my diet and cut back on mileage.

Now I’ll be training into the fall.

So I’m considering doing the Big Sur Half Marathon again. I’m also considering running the California International Marathon for a second year. Wow. I never thought I’d write that sentence.

But then I’d be in a perpetual state of marathon training for more than a year. Big deal? Maybe. I’m not quite ready to take the plunge and sign up yet.

I may after I get through this weekend, though. We head to the Big Sur/Monterey area tomorrow morning for the Big Sur 21-miler on Highway 1. I’m excited, but very, very nervous. I have a nice time limit, but the hills, I hear, are kind of killer.

And I haven’t had enough outdoor running lately. Nervous. Tense. Scared. All of those things. I’ll get through this weekend before I make any huge plans for the rest of the year.

 

Apr 25

The will without the energy

Ever felt this way? All you want to do is go home and run five miles. Then you come home and look at the time and say: “There’s just no way.”

That’s kind of my life over the past four or five weeks. Between my full time job and my part time job, I work about 10 hours a day, sometimes 12. On days when news breaks or big things happen, it sometimes stretches into the evening.

I’m fatigued. And my legs are giving me problems now.

For the past three days, my legs have been so heavy I haven’t wanted to do anything. Yesterday, I wanted to run five miles. Instead I pulled out my Reebok step and did 30 minutes of step aerobics. Just so I could move. Just so I could feel like I did something. (Now, on second thought, this would have been a good chance for me to mount the bike I’ve been sorely neglecting.)

I forgot how much step can make me sweat.

That’s an “after” shot. You can’t really see all the sweat, but it’s there.

I took two Ibuprofens last night. Then I spent about 45 minutes to an hour massaging my legs. I slept in compression socks. I woke up feeling better, but by the end of my lab with my students, I knew my legs weren’t 100 percent. And they wouldn’t be. Unless I took action.

I called Massage Envy, where I have a membership, and scheduled a hot/cold massage for my body, with particular attention to my legs. It will cost me $60 because it’s outside of my membership time. But my legs need it.

Especially because the 21 miler in Big Sur this weekend is now seeming very, very scary. I’m really worried about how this is all going to go. I’m worried about my training. I’m worried about nutrition. I’m worried about whether or not I can make it.

I have the will. I don’t have the energy. I’m not sure I can make it through.

Hopefully the rub out will do the trick. It kind of has to. I can’t show up to the start line with legs that just say no. It’s not a 10K. It’s 21 miles.

Apr 20

Getting mud run ready

It’s time.

After months of not training for the mud run that I’m doing tomorrow, it’s happening.

I have to say, my training lately has been sub par. And I’m supposed to run a tough 21-miler in Big Sur next weekend. Yikes.

I have an inkling of what to expect on Saturday.

I even bought some new clothes as to not have to destroy my Lululemon or Nike gear. I found some seriously cheap clothes to get dirty which, hopefully, will clean up well after.

Now I’m scared.

The number I was assigned doesn’t help.

I’ve read reviews about the toughness of the course, despite it only being 3.47 miles. I’ve read that, in one area, runners can experience some claustrophobia. That kind of scares me a little. The whole getting dirty part also does too.

And I’ve been freaking out all week about what I’m going to wear. I’ll write a more extensive post about the conundrum of that tomorrow. I just finished an eight-mile run on the treadmill. Now I’m whipped. And ready for bed.

And so glad my wave of the mud run doesn’t happen until 2:15 tomorrow.

I’m sure I won’t sleep well, though. I think I’m more nervous about this race than I’ve been at any lately.

Hopefully the nerves translate into a cool start at the race tomorrow when the temperature is high (it’s expected to me in the 90s in Lathrop).

Ugh. I hate nerves.

Apr 15

On tired legs

This is probably the most unflattering photo of my legs ever, particularly because they look extremely thick. It’s the angle, I promise. My legs are actually very trim.

I ran eight very hard miles on my treadmill yesterday morning. That should have told me that I wouldn’t be able to launch into the double digits today. But I went out to Mountain House to run with Jennie anyway.

We got three miles. And then I came home and ran another on the treadmill. Just to make it to the 20 for the week and 55 for the month.

My legs are tired. It’s likely because I’ve had a very tiring week. I’m refusing to use the change in diet as an excuse. My legs are just tired. And today it really showed.

So we ran a little, as the sun went down. The trail through Mountain House surrounds a nice marshy, preserved area. Today, the water was incredibly high. We’ve have a lot of rain later.

By the time I said goodbye to Jennie, it was too dark to shoot a photo of the water.

So I tried to get the sunset.

I took quite a few days off this week, so maybe my legs will recover quickly. Today, though, I just kind of dragged when I ran.

 

Apr 13

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It’s not really about the shoes (and other weighty issues)

Today, I bought a pair of shoes. They are a deep teal color and oh so perfect. The moment I put them on, it felt like heaven on my feet. So comfortable. They were $85. And I immediately felt guilty buying them.

It’s not because I’m in debt and the money needed to go somewhere else. In fact, I’ve been making extra payments on my student loans recently in an attempt to get them down. It’s not even because I felt somewhat bad buying something nice for myself.

It’s because buying shoes means something than entirely different to me than it does to most people.

It means I’ve gained more weight than I should have.

I hopped on the scale when I cam home today. I had just eaten. I weighed 174 pounds.

I can’t help but feel like a failure.

Two years ago when I was fed up with my weight I was nearly 200 pounds. I ran my ass off over a four month period, literally. I ate right with the help of Weight Watchers online. My weight bottomed out at 154. For the first time in a long time, I was happy.

My face had thinned (which is good because any weight gain for me automatically means my face balloons). My arms had too. I hadn’t looked that good in years. Really. It was life changing, game changing.

I followed the plan really well until sometime in May. Then, life happened.

My husband and I bought our first home. The day we moved in, I got a call to interview for the part-time position at the college I now teach at. It took us more than three months to settle into our new lives in a new house. For me it meant a somewhat longer commute, now across town before I got on the freeway. Lots of changes.

Then a very unplanned surgery for pain I’d been having in my abdomen for some time. It needed to happen. But I let it go and go until on the days it was bad, every step I took was excruciating. That set my running back for about six weeks. It also was my “fall of the wagon” moment.

I’m ashamed to say, I never got back on.

The two jobs didn’t help. I was crazy taking a part-time job when my full-time job was already stressful.  My diet got way out of whack. I wake up at a different time. My schedule is never the same from day to day. My husband has a hard time keeping track of me.

I have excuses.

Lots.

And I didn’t need the shoes.

I already have lots. (This is only one snapshot of my closest. I have lots and lots of boxes.)

I bought the shoes because shoes are kind of one size fits all. That size for me is an 8 1/2. Whether I gain or lose weight, the shoes will fit. (I have flat feet, inherited from my grandfather along with a predisposition to diabetes).

One size fits all. No matter how round my stomach is. No matter how fat my arms get.

I realized it almost immediately.

Probably because I headed over to Old Navy and started looking a shirts. Specifically a striped shirt. That’s not bright for a girl whose curves now seem over exaggerated and out of focus, wrongly proportioned.

I settled on two shirts that would hide my belly and cover my arms.

And a tank top. Because wearing a tank top under my shirt helps smooth out my belly hanging over my jeans.

I’ve failed myself.

Because this wasn’t the first thing I bought for myself with the same mentality.

A couple weeks ago it was a scarf at Target. I grabbed a bracelet somewhere else.

On payday this week, I bought a necklace.

It’s never about the shoes. There’s something much deeper at work here.

I need to drop those 20 pounds. I need to get back to where I was two years ago. I need to do better.

I need to make better choices.

Because right now I’m buying accessories to avoid buying clothes. I’m wearing cotton shirts and avoiding all other clothes because I need strength and comfort.

I’ve tried and failed in the past three weeks to start back on Weight Watcher again. I keep making up excuses about how I need more food in me to run, how I’ve have no energy if I don’t have the extra taco, etc.

But the truth is, I need to do better.

My wallet will thank me. But my body will too.

Here’s to finding a path back to 154.

Apr 5

37 miles and then the letdown

 

So, last week was a banner week in my running. I’m not even 100 percent how I pulled it off either. I ran a half marathon on Sunday, which isn’t counted in the numbers.

Then I ran two miles because I was really tired. I made it a mission to run further the next day. Five miles worked for me. Then I just kind of kept building, outside of my no-run Thursday.

I was slated for 15 miles on Saturday. Jeannie and I got 10, which, for our first run outside in a good while, was good enough for me. We’re hoping to do the full 15 this weekend. It’s kind of my last chance for a long run before taper for the Big Sur 21-miler on April 29.

I even had enough energy to go to San Francisco on Sunday night for a social media workshop.

We stopped and ate, quickly, at Pier 39. Then we spent twenty minutes trying to drive less than two miles. And then Thomas had to drop me off at the bottom of a hill, only we didn’t know it was a hill then.

I took a picture of it as I was leaving because walking up it was nothing for me after a 10-mile run on Sunday.

I was so proud.

I even took a photo of myself with more of the hill behind me.

Then the week started. It’s technically spring break for me from school. So I have a little more time to devote to my 40-hour which turns into 50+ hour a week full-time job. Well. It’s weeks like this I forget how I’m able to do both.

I’ve had some personal defeats this week. I ran only five miles yesterday. I’m hoping for eight tonight.

But I found out earlier in the week that my swim school had close, permanently. That means no more swim lessons on Tuesday and Thursdays.

As much as I want to say “well, I can devote more time to marathon training” I know that I also really enjoyed the swimming and I had come incredibly far in a short time. I’m trying to figure out a gym membership to keep going.

But I’m not 100 percent sure I want to do that before the marathon.

It doesn’t help that I’m tired. In the too exhausted to do anything way. When I was paying to swim and someone was actually there waiting for me to show up, I was, well, more inclined to show up.

A pool at the gym? Alone? I’m not sure I want to take that route either.

So I’m not sure where I stand right now after last week’s stellar performance. I need more consistency in my workouts and in my running.

I just don’t know if I have the time for that. Or the will.

Mar 24

A sort of runniversary

A year ago, I was scared. This time last year was the eve of my first half marathon. It was one I signed up for with hardly any training. But after a January full of running nine and 10 mile training runs, I figured, why not?

Thomas and I ventured to Oakland on a rainy day in late March 2011 to pick up my race packet. I was nervous. I’m glad we spent the rest of the day looking for new furniture for our family room.

Today was a similar type of day as we ventured back to Oakland to go through the same process all over again.

We went early, to avoid traffic and lines more than anything. And we were in and out in about an hour.

The Oakland Running Festival doesn’t have a huge expo. It’s only in the third year. Last year went well. The run wasn’t overcrowded or too exhausting. But at mile 10, my body nearly decided to give out. I wasn’t running nearly as much as I am now. I’m hoping tomorrow will be better than last year.

But I finished.

And it was my first half marathon.

I couldn’t have been more proud of myself.

Tomorrow, the Oakland Running Festival Half Marathon will be my ninth half marathon. It will be the first one I’ve repeated.

The expo was held at the Oakland Marriott. We arrived around 10 a.m. The line was short. I already had my eConfirmation printed out with a bar code on it. Funny, though, no one asked me to scan in or anything like that.

I grabbed a bag for the items I’d be picking up. I walked over to the bib table where there were no lines.

There were tons of race guides out on tables. I grabbed only one, as opposed to last year when I took a handful because I thought I’d figure out a way to preserve them forever. (That hasn’t happened.)

I then went and grabbed my race premium. People get really up in arms about race shirts. I have so many that I always wonder why. If you don’t like it, don’t wear it. It’s that easy. But more often that not, especially with the growth of social media, people complain about race shirts.

This is the 2012 half marathon shirt:

In the middle is a script-type font that says “half marathon.” I’ll be honest, I’m not in love with this shirt. Since I saw the race organization post it, I thought it wasn’t too attractive. Last year the designs were simple. It was just a vertical block with the race information. I still consider my blue premium from 2011 one of my favorite race shirts.

So I likely won’t wear this much. It’s a shame too, because very few race organizations go the full-sleeve shirt route. I appreciate Oakland for that, but am just not that into this one. The 5K had Cal colors, which I liked more. The marathon race premium I wasn’t digging too much either. It seemed as if the race organizer was trying to pull colors from local teams, in the half marathon case the Oakland Raiders, for each shirt without considering consistency.

But the shirt doesn’t really matter.

We walked around the expo, but outside of a couple booths, there wasn’t much to buy. Let’s face it, I was just starting to buy good running clothes this time last year. I think I only owned one pair of Nike capri running pants. You don’t want to see my closest now.

Once upon a time, I would have been tempted by cool socks and craziness like this:

Now, not so much. I buy for function (hello Lululemon obsession), and not because something is one color or anything. And really, would anyone wear cheetah socks to run? Not unless you really wanted to stand out.

The longest part of the entire expo? Waiting in line for “official merchandise” because there were only two people taking payment. And the woman I went with seemed to just want to get me through as fast as possible, no hello or anything.

I bought a great green shirt with a tree (for Oakland) and names of the streets run. We don’t run all of the streets in the half marathon, but we run a lot of them.

Then, not so suddenly, we were at the end of the expo. There was nothing left even though we hadn’t been there all too long.

I picked up a couple more couples, particularly for restaurants tomorrow, and we headed back out. Quick in and out trip to Oakland from Tracy. That was it.

Thomas and I had talked about a new burger place in Tracy for a couple weeks now. The Squeeze Inn opened sometime earlier this month. We’ve heard all about it, but had yet to partake.

So we stopped by and ordered two hamburgers, an order or regular and an order of sweet potato fries. It took awhile and we literally had to “squeeze in” because at a point there were a ton of people.

About half way through my meal, my burger wasn’t even all that broken in.

Now I’m home doing laundry and some cleaning. I don’t really have an projections for my race tomorrow. I’d like to do well, or at least better than I have lately. But I also know this is a new route. That means I can’t compare it to last year in terms of time. I also saw a mileage chart that registered the distance now at 13.4 miles.

So I’m not sure where I stand.

But I’m getting ready for my runniversary. And I’m glad that, a year after my first, I’m still at it.

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