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Posts from the ‘Disappointments’ Category

Oct 30

A void

This week’s lack of blogging stems from something other than being overburdened. In fact, a recent episode in my life means I am very much under burdened.

I’m not going to get into it right now on here for various reasons. My husband has encouraged me to do so, but I can’t right now.

It has nothing and everything to do with running.

It has nothing and everything to do with how I treat myself.

It has nothing and everything to do with my life right now and some changes that need to be made.

So I’m working on some things.

I’m still running. But not sure how much blogging I’ll be doing in the next month or so.

Cryptic, yes. I’m usually a lot more transparent. But some things just need to be held close.

So on that somber note, I leave you with a cute picture of my Domo collection. The new green ones are a recent addition from a good friend.

 

Oct 11

Ever had one of those weeks?

I should name this the “post in which I tell you that I’m not writing a race review for the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose Half Marathon.”

Why?

Epic technology failures.

My week has seen enough of them already to make me really feel, again, like I looked before the beginning of the half marathon this past weekend.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is my angry face. It’s my “I’m looking at you and my mouth is askew because I can’t say what I really want to.” I had said face at the beginning of the Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon because there was no pacer in my corral.

I had a goal. I was told a pacer would be there. No pacer.

I should have known then it would be a bad run. I should have laughed it off.

But for some reason I can’t laugh anything off this week.

I’m four for four on days with technology issues. Not just at work, but at home too.

Servers not working. Equipment not connecting. Images not appearing. All by no fault of my own (seriously, I haven’t brought down a server in some time). All taking away from time I needed for other assignments and projects.

Add on top of that a very glitchy-as-of-late Garmin that I had to do a master reset on this morning, thereby erasing all my data from the past three weeks, and I’m not a happy runner this morning.

Then, my six-year-old 17-inch multimedia special edition laptop died. I want to cry. It’s the computer I built my masters project for University of California, Berkeley’s Graduate School of Journalism on. It’s been my go-to computer for the past four years.

And the hard drive just keeps trying to load. And load. And load. Windows XP keeps saying “not happening.”

This week sucks. I can’t even sugarcoat it. I’m afraid to leave my house and head to the Nike Women’s Marathon Expotique in San Francisco now, but I will be shortly.

Since my primary blogging laptop died and my Garmin has no data, there will be no Rock ‘n’ Roll race recap. I’m actually pretty good with that. Why? I can sum of the experience succinctly: Started good, stomach hurt, threw up, kept going, got sick again, finished nine minutes above last year’s time.

No other technological devices failed in the writing of this blog.

But it’s still early.

Sigh.

Sep 21

Likes, loves and hates

I’m kind of on a running hiatus for three days.

Yesterday was a rest day. Today I work all day. On campus from 9 a.m. until I have to go to work for a night shift. Then I’m sleeping over at my grandmother’s (totally not lame, my grandmother is freaking awesome for letting me stay) so I can wake up early and take my students to a journalism conference in Sacramento. Whew.

I’m kind of busy.

So instead of blogging about running today, I’m going to write about some of what I’m loving, liking and hating lately. Some of it will be running related.

LOVES

– The Lululemon quality assurance and return policy. My charcoal/Caspian blue capris started falling apart last weekend. I’ve only had them for a month. I sent a quick email to Lululemon with photos and received one back within 24 hours. The verdict? Capris that new should be fraying. I’m sending the old ones back and getting a gift card (to buy new ones!) in the mail.

– My new water bottle from the Title 9K this past weekend. It’s seriously pretty awesome. I’ve been using it all day.

– REM sleep. Not related to the band at all. It’s the sleep stage where you dream. For the first time in four months I’ve been able to get into REM sleep and dream. I’m waking up feeling more rested. But I’m still exhausted.

– Diet Coke. Because I always love Diet Coke, but the caffeine in it lately is really helping me out. What’s that? It could kill me? Yes. I’ve heard it before. From my husband. A thousand times.

– My iPhone. I don’t care about getting a 5 right now. I have a 4S. It take awesome photos. It has Siri. Enough said.

– The return of night running. It caught me off guard last week (in case you saw my Twitter post), but there is something refreshing about running at night. Plus it means I get to pull out all my awesome reflective gear.

LIKES

– M&M’s. Apparently these are becoming my favorite go-to snack.

– Ending my day shooting video less than a mile from my house. I was able to do that twice this week. That never happens. Score.

– Rest days. I’ve factored more in and am loving them more and more.

– The fact I ran 9:37 average splits last weekend. Still can’t get over that.

– A place to put my money and license when I shoot video. I refuse to carry a purse to an assignment. It’s kind of risky. So I usually put everything in my pockets. I found this nifty little ankle wallet at REI. I’m in love.

– Wearing my Converse to work. Tonight is football night and I’ll be reporting from the field. Jeans. Converse. T-shirt. A casual-style evening.

HATES

– Traffic on Interstate 5 through Stockton. Two pseudo slow downs this morning for no reason.

– The color of my new running shoes. They are much lighter than my previous pair. They make me feel old for some reason. I’m thinking about adding fancy shoelaces to them.

– When my students don’t show up on time for distribution, leaving all the newspapers in the parking lot with me. I try to convince them that one day, doing something like this may mean getting fired from a job. I’m still not sure they understand the concept.

– The heat. Tomorrow is the first day of fall (or is it today?) and it’s still short-sleeve shirt and capri weather. I just want some cold.

– Insomnia. Yes, I achieved REM sleep. No, I didn’t stay asleep long. Tonight’s going to be a long night.

I have a long run scheduled for Sunday. Time and place to be determined. We’ll see how exhausted I am from two days straight of work.

Sep 12

My best friend today

In the middle of my Tuesday-night run (with new shoes!) I started getting a nagging pain in my left glute.

The nagging pain became more and more substantial with each step, so I slowed down. Nothing changed. The pain grew as did my grimace. There was no way I was going to go my six miles for the day.

I settled for four.

Not horrible, but not up to expectations either.

Was it the shoes? They are the same, exact pair I had before. Was it the speed? I was moving along at a 10-minute mile pace.

I don’t know. All I know is when I got off the treadmill and started walking, it didn’t seem to go away. So much so that I took some pain reliever and called it a night.

This morning I woke up determined to run and get some of my missed mileage back. But I grabbed my Grid roller first. Instead of spending 30-minutes running three miles on my treadmill, I spent that time working out a massive ball of hard muscle in my leg.

The pain was killer. I was making grunting noises. My dogs kept looking at me like I was a lady possessed.

But I jumped on the treadmill, queued up my iPad and ran three slow miles just to see how it felt. No pain. For now.

My work today included a two-hour video shoot where, outside of some discomfort when I did a ground shot, my glute didn’t feel bad. I also took my TigerTail to work to rub out the spot whenever I was sitting for a long period of time. (Yes, I totally rub out my legs at work. My job includes coding and hours of word/video editing, so sometimes I sit for awhile and it’s really helpful.)

I haven’t had any severe or significant pain in my legs for sometime. In fact, the last I can remember is nursing an IT band in my right leg at the beginning of the year. I’m hoping that I just tweaked something by running or stepping funny. Otherwise my Grid roller and my TigerTail might be my new best friends for some time.

Crossing my fingers that’s not the case.

Aug 26

Close calls

See that color?

It’s pretty bright. And this is looking down, with a little shadow on it. It’s actually VERY bright in person.

I’ve posted this photo before, in June, when I purchased the Lululemon Run: Swiftly tank in the “ray” color. When I bought the shirt, I was concerned it was maybe “too bright.” My husband assured me that at least no one would miss me when I ran. I figured that would be a safe bet. Drivers and other runners alike would be able to see me just fine.

I thought.

This weekend, my running buddy Jennie and I ventured out on an early morning run. Not super early. The sun was just rising in the west, but it was plenty bright in Mountain House.

The community I run in is about 10-minutes west of where I live. For Jennie, it’s only about five minutes. There are few stoplights, but a lot of stop signs. There are many cross walks.

We always use the cross walks when we run. We never run against traffic, or even in traffic.

And by the time we were on the back end of the development, the sun was shinning pretty good.

We made our way into miles five and six and down toward the only market in the small town. As we made our way to the crosswalk, I noticed a red Jeep flying out of the far parking lot. We were already starting into the crosswalk, with the right of way, when the Jeep barely stopped, sped through a stop sign and started into our path.

The Jeep was raised. Still, as he came toward us, I yelled out “Hey!” The driver, a man, acted as if WE got in HIS way. He slowed his car at an angle and then just kept going, screeching his tires as he went away.

I’m pretty sure Jennie yelled something at him. I know I yelled something to the effect of “JERK!” and we kept running.

When we stopped at the store to pick up our regular mid-run Gatorade, we talked about how people are always in a rush. How very few care about others. How if he hit us, he likely would have killed us. I was more in his path. Jennie kept apologizing for not noticing the Jeep until it was too late.

The issue here?

We did everything right.

We both were wearing bright colored shirts. We stopped running and looked both ways. We were cautious in our regard to the environment.

We were running smart.

And it still wasn’t enough.

My waving and yelling at the driver was the only thing that got him to even notice us.

Later on at a dinner for my husband’s birthday, my sister told me that I shouldn’t run outside. It’s dangerous. I could get hurt. I know that. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I opt to run in Mountain House instead of where I live in Tracy. In Tracy, even early in the morning, cars tend to roll through stop signs and stoplights.

I had several close calls in my own town. In one, I actually had a guy nearly hit in right in the hip. I slammed down both my hands on the hood of the car. I looked the man straight in the eyes and said “I have the right of way!” Then I kept running.

Running is dangerous, yes. So as runners we take precautions. We wear bright clothes. We add reflective bands to our wrists and ankles. We wear lights in the dark. We generally make ourselves as visible as possible. But, at times, doing everything right doesn’t mean you are safe and protected.

I’m realizing that after a couple close calls, including this most recent one, I need to remind myself of that every time I run.

Apr 15

On tired legs

This is probably the most unflattering photo of my legs ever, particularly because they look extremely thick. It’s the angle, I promise. My legs are actually very trim.

I ran eight very hard miles on my treadmill yesterday morning. That should have told me that I wouldn’t be able to launch into the double digits today. But I went out to Mountain House to run with Jennie anyway.

We got three miles. And then I came home and ran another on the treadmill. Just to make it to the 20 for the week and 55 for the month.

My legs are tired. It’s likely because I’ve had a very tiring week. I’m refusing to use the change in diet as an excuse. My legs are just tired. And today it really showed.

So we ran a little, as the sun went down. The trail through Mountain House surrounds a nice marshy, preserved area. Today, the water was incredibly high. We’ve have a lot of rain later.

By the time I said goodbye to Jennie, it was too dark to shoot a photo of the water.

So I tried to get the sunset.

I took quite a few days off this week, so maybe my legs will recover quickly. Today, though, I just kind of dragged when I ran.

 

Feb 21

Rockin’ through Pasadena: Part II

I figured I’d be out incredibly quick on Saturday night. I’d worked an 11.5 day before and fell fast asleep on Friday only to have to wake up early to get ready for Sam to pick me up. I stayed awake for the trip. I can’t exactly sleep on the road.

And I had a headache by the time I went to bed. So I took an Ibuprofen hoping I wouldn’t wake up with a nasty one the next morning.

That wouldn’t be the problem. No. I couldn’t even get to sleep.

When I finally opened my eyes for real at 4:53 a.m. I knew that it wasn’t going to the best day for running. My whole body was dragging.

Too much work and no sleep kind of does that. But we got dressed and ventured out.

We made our way to the Rose Bowl and only got stuck behind about 10-minutes worth of traffic getting into the parking lot. It wasn’t a bad parking situation actually. We made our way quickly from the car to the staging area. The portable toilets were plenty. I’m not kidding, there were enough toilets that it didn’t seem like there were any people waiting.

Nice. That was good because my stomach was turning knots. One after another. My stomach was killing me.

I’m not even going to pretend to do a recap. Every mile was painful. Every mile was hard.

And this is what it looked like:

OK. I didn’t hit the 13-minute average range. But still. This was a bad run. I did a Gu on mile four and mile eight.

That propelled me through a little bit. But it wasn’t enough. I just never picked up pace. At mile 10, though, I felt as if I could run awhile longer. I did. Then my butt started hurting, as if I pulled a muscle or something.

Then I slowed again.

Along the way were beautiful sites, including the Colorado Blvd. bridge, and Old Pasadena.

There was a ton of cheering. This was my second Rock ‘n’ Roll event, and I have to say I enjoyed it just as much as the first in terms of fun, but my heart just wasn’t in it. I was tired.

Too tired.

And by the time I reached the end at 2:48:19 I knew I’d given it all I could.

I pushed myself a little farther, passed the finish line and was handed my medal by a nice volunteer who gave me some strong encouragement.

I snapped this photo as I saw a member of the Half Fanatics group as for a second medal for his sister, he said. And, more shocking, the volunteer actually gave him one. Really? Wow.

I loved the medal. I actually held it nearly the entire way home because it’s so awesome and I really felt like I’d earned it for the five or six times I felt like quitting during this one.

When I got to the finish, I waited for Sam as they tried to kick me multiple times out of the area. I actually stood in one place for about 10 minutes before being asked to move. And yet a lot of people were around that weren’t being asked to move. I think I was just annoyed, which made this all feel so much worse.

Ugh. Double ugh. Triple ugh.

Then Sam crossed the finish line:

She’s somewhere in all that. She grabbed her medal and we headed off into the rest of the finisher’s area, which wasn’t nearly as packed as it was in San Jose during the October event.

I grabbed a Gatorade and some water. A volunteer gave me a heatsheet, even though it seemed a little warm and, by then, I’d already put on long-sleeve shirt.

And I was done.

The one good thing about this half was that the band that played at the end was Sugar Ray. I was really looking forward to seeing them, especially since I should have been finishing around the time they started playing.

By the time we finally got to the finish, after picking up our bags from bag check and getting some food, Sugar Ray was in the last half hour of the concert.

But they rocked.

I have some great video of Mark McGrath rocking the cowbell which I’ll post another time. Overall it was an excellent concert. When it was over, we headed to the merchandise tent where I picked up the gray shirt photographed above. And we headed to the car. It was a quick ride back to the hotel room where we cleaned up and packed within an hour.

And then, it was back on the road, our whirlwind trip to Pasadena ending.

Four and a half hours after we hit the road, we were home. I was tired. I fell asleep quickly on Sunday night, which was great because of the Monday holiday.

And now, as I reflect on it, I think part of me knows it was the result of fatigue. But I also know I’ve gained some weight recently that hasn’t helped.

I run the Oakland Half in a month or so. I want to be more prepared for it than I was for this. I thought I was prepared for this. Nope.

Now I’m taking a look at my diet and training plan to see where I went wrong. I know bad runs happen, but they also make a runner reflect on what he or she did wrong and right. That’s where I am right now.

So did I really rock through Pasadena? No. Was it still a good time? Of course. And I’m glad I did it, despite the pain and discomfort of all 13.22 miles.

Dec 16

Things to catch up on

Over the next couple days I need to blog about several things: swimming, biking, a broken treadmill and pole dancing class among the topics.

I need to get on this.

And I need to start running again.

Oct 26

Problems afoot

When I lost 30+ pounds more than a year ago, the first thing I did was run out and buy an amazing pair of Steve Madden patent black pumps. They are still one of my favorite pairs of shoes. And they changed my life.

Because I wasn’t carrying around extra baggage, I could pull off a pair of awesome heels. I did so, frequently. I even had matching pairs of flats for nearly every pair I had, just in case I had to run out and shoot video for my job.

My heels made me taller, more confident. Wearing them was a reward for losing the weight.

Flash forward to March when I ran my first half marathon. Three days before my run, I was rushing up some stairs at the local community college I work at part time. My heel got stuck in a crack and nearly pulled me down. Even worse, it skinned up my foot pretty bad. It’s no wonder I had such bad foot pain during and after the run. I was walking wounded.

I realized after I made the decision to run more half marathons (and eventually a marathon) that, perhaps, heels weren’t such a good idea when it came to running. So I gradually started not wearing them.

I didn’t realize how much I’d changed until today when I was talking to a coworker about it. My shoes today (above) are a basic pair of purple flats from Gap. They are about 2-years-old. They have a little ruffle. They are functional, and yes, even cute. But they aren’t heels.

These are heels.

They are a marked down $90 pair of Guess satin pumps from Dillard’s. They are amazing shoes. I feel like a goddess in them. But I’ve never worn them out in public. I can’t muster up the courage to do so when I may or may not injure myself or make my legs more tired than they already are after 10+ weeks of marathon training.

So I don’t get to wear beauties like these either:

Could I, technically, go out and wear them anytime? Yes. Of course I can.

But I can’t seem to do so because I can’t convince myself it would be good for my feet. My poor feet take a pounding with long runs four times a week. The last thing I want to do is aggravate them more. So I defer. I don’t wear the heels.

I have pulled them out for special occasions. But not for my 10 to 12 hour work days between both jobs.

Instead, I’ve worn down my now vast collection of flats.

The cognac-colored pair from Aldo has a tiny little heel, enough to make a big noise when I walk down the hall (I’m still, after all, a pretty heavy girl). The bottoms are looking incredibly worn and tired.

Or there is this pair from American Eagle:

(I think I should have called this post: “The one in which all my photos are blurry.” Sorry about that, bad lighting at home.

I use this pair after long runs when my feet are more wide then they should be.

Unfortunately I don’t think this is only symptomatic of marathon training. I like wearing flats, particularly because I have flat feet. And I move faster in them and have less pain at the end of the day.

But I miss the heels. I miss feeling invincible in them. (Oh and there’s a great deal of compliments that come with having amazing shoes, really. I miss that as well.) But I’m protecting my feet from injury and unnecessary wear and tear.

I think this is the point I know I’m a runner, actually. I’m more comfortable in my Nike Equalons than any other shoe. I never thought I’d get to this point.

Sep 27

The worst kind of email

This showed up in my inbox this morning just as I was about to leave work:

A race I signed up for just recently, a New Year’s Eve race somewhere other than near my house at that, was postponed until 2012.

A year from this New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t believe it. I went to the Facebook page and saw nothing. I clicked the link, but didn’t ask for my money back quite yet because I thought, maybe, it was sent out in error.

I went to a meeting with my running buddy Sam about a possible new addition to our workout schedule (more on that in a later post) and came home to find the Rock ‘n’ Roll Facebook page devoted to the race flooded with both positive and negative comments.

I’m bummed. I usually get update emails or things telling me hot to pick up a race packet and get really excited.

This is the first email I’ve received telling me I won’t be running something. And I was looking forward to this for a few reasons.

I’m training for the California International Marathon. It’s on Dec. 4.

I’ve spent most of the past six months training for it. I’m starting to significantly ramp up my mileage here in a couple weeks. And I have a sense of dread when I think about running it.

I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll finish. Some training days I don’t even know if I’ll start. That’s kind of scary.

So I signed up for the New Year’s Eve run to take my mind off the impending doom feeling of my first marathon. There was something to look forward to then at the end of the year. Plus I never make plans for New Year’s Eve, ever.

My husband usually hangs out with a friend. I stay home. I’m kind of lame like that.

So I got really excited because I got to run 13.1 (which I know now I can handle) AND I got to party afterward. I even had my dress and shoes picked out for the party. So I’m bummed. I’m bummed I don’t get to run and I’m bummed I basically now don’t have plans for New Year’s Eve.

I’m not sure if it’s an omen either because I’m running the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose half marathon this weekend. I’m supposed to do race packet pickup on Saturday and run on Sunday. Sam was going to sign up this weekend. She was even going to inquire about a place to stay down there this weekend.

This is way different than the email I got a couple weeks ago with really good news. That one told me I was now a member of Team Somersaults for the Nike Women’s Half Marathon. (I’m hoping to write a WHOLE lot about that later.) That was a great email. This one not so much.

I know there are other races to enter around that time. I also know that I can do something else. But with everything I’ve dedicated to running in the last year, I thought it would be fun to ring out 2012 on a running note. Too bad.

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