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Posts from the ‘Training’ Category

A twenty-mile journey

Sometimes when you start running, you don’t exactly know how far you can go, you just hope to get where you need to be. That happens to me a lot. I hop on the treadmill or turn onto my street for a run with no number in mind. Instead, I just put one foot in front of another.

I just keep going.

And going.

I, hopefully, eventually, reach my goal.

Some days, with everything going on in my life, I don’t see the finish line anywhere in site. I’m swamped with work. I have way too many extracurricular-type activities. I’m always on the run, literally.

I have days where I feel exactly like  I look in this photo:

Tired. Confused. Defeated.

And then I have days like today.

Today, I feel on top of the world.

My alarm clock was set at 5:45 a.m. I only hit snooze once. I rolled out of bed, put on my running clothes and was out the door by 6:15 a.m. I had packed the reusable bag I got at the Nike Women’s Half Marathon with about 10 different things.

I called it my “no excuse” bag.

It had Larabars, M&Ms, Body Glide, Zensah Compression shin sleeves, a charger for my Garmin and a couple other things. I filled my two 20-ounce Amphipod waterbottles with a Gatorade/water mix.

I also filled a 32-ounce water bottle (also from the Nike Women’s Half Marathon) with Gatorade for Jennie and I. I figured this would take away all our excuses for wanting to stop.

It actually did.

I met Jennie in the Central Community Park in Mountain House. It was pitch black.

We calmed our nerves a little, but the task at hand was a huge one: One 20-mile run.

No giving up. No turning back.

We started running. About a mile in we stopped at a portable toilet in the newest of the subdivisions in Mountain House. We saw a coyote. We kept moving. And moving.

Two miles. Three miles. Four. Five. Seven. Eight. Nine.

We kept counting down, talking about 100 different things. It’s amazing what you can learn about someone when running. I love Jennie. She’s one of the most honest, nonjudgmental people I know. She’s an awesome mother. And she’s determined as all hell. I’m glad she was with me all 20 miles today.

We laughed. We nearly broke down a couple times. We walked a slightly long duration toward the end (I think about 1/2 mile at one point). But we kept going. We kept putting one foot in front of the other.

And, soon, after more than four hours moving, we were done.

“I look like someone ran over my face,” after looking at this photo again.

But we did it. And thank God for Jennie. When I started to get tired, she propelled me. When she started to get tired, I encouraged her. And we stayed next to each other or close the entire time (until my Garmin battery started dying and I had to step it up to get the 20-mile Garmin reading).

And then, we were done.

We celebrated by running over to the one and only market in Mountain House and getting Slush Puppies (Jennie’s treat, which was awesome after a run that long).

My husband said, all you have to do is write: “It sucked.” But it didn’t suck. In fact, it was the total opposite of “sucking.”

I felt amazing after. I felt renewed. I felt alive.

I tweeted this not too soon after:

In high school, one of my favorite bands was Fuel. The band has one specific song, “Sunburn,” that I love tremendously because of a specific set of lines within it.

“You were gone, you were no there for me, and I cursed the sky and begged the sun to fall all over me. This life’s not living, living ain’t free. And if I can’t find my way back to me, let the sun fall down over me,” the chorus repeats.

The highlighted part is my favorite. A friend once asked me why, the real reason, I run. First it was about diabetes. Then it was about getting in better shape. Now, it’s about finding myself.

Today, I did. Between miles 16-20 I found a part of me that I’d left behind for some time. I found the will to continue to despite difficultly. I found a way to keep going even though I was tired. I found my will again.

Sometimes it’s not about the time. Sometimes it’s about the distance. And sometimes, it’s about the journey that gets you from the first mile to the last. There is a part of you that changes when you put on step in front of another. There’s an even bigger part that changes when you realize, after all, you can do it.

My twenty-mile journey, today, wasn’t just a training run. It was about finding my way back to me.

Good sign for the weekend

I’m hoping to do my longest run this weekend. I have  friend, who is also signed up to run the California International Marathon, ready to run with me. I know I can get through the first 10. It’s the second 10 that worries me.

I ran 8 this morning and was tired.

I’m a little scared.

Then I opened this today after I ate my lunch.

This means it will be okay, right?

I sure hope so.

Some end-of-week motivation

Whew, my week is nearly over. Thank goodness too. I’m exhausted.

I just finished up my first set of swimming conditioning lessons. The lessons spanned over a four week period, every Tuesday and Thursday outside of one night I was in San Francisco.

And I’ve been relearning everything. My freestyle is not what they teach now. My backstroke is okay, but not perfect. I found out tonight I tread water pretty good. That’s likely from all the leg conditioning I do running (speaking of which, I did a nice six miles with Sam last night in Mountain House).

But I found myself needing a little more motivation this week after the DNS for the Stockton-based half marathon. Sigh.

Motivation is inspiration.

It kind of propels me through the swim conditioning and running. This week it came in shirt form.

I came across a random running blog (sorry, I don’t remember which) that included a link to the Saucony Strong campaign.

You can visit the page and add inspirational reasons why you run (or bike, or swim, etc.) and put an image on Facebook or email to yourself. You also have the option of making a shirt out of it. That’s what I did. And I was surprised at how reasonable it was to buy and have shipped. It cost under $30. That’s half the price of my Nike ID shirts.

Now this one isn’t made out of Dri-Fit style material, but it will be a great shirt for easy workouts or after swim conditioning.

I added my reasons and inspirations for running.

My Garmin: It’s my pace buddy.

My family: That’s a given.

A faster mile: Always working on this.

Being a better me: This is really the bottom line why I run. It helps me be a better me and put a better me forward.

Warm-up mile: As in getting through that first mile, pushing to get to the enjoyable part of the run.

Long runs: To help clear my mind. To bond with others.

5:30 a.m. alarms: That’s how early I get up for my Sunday long runs. By 9:30 a.m. we’re usually done, depending on the distance.

A personal record: I don’t run to achieve a PR, but it’s nice when I actually do.

Running with friends: They say running with friends is cheaper than therapy. That is so true. It’s my time to loosen up and be free.

Beating diabetes: I started running because I was lazy, fat and unhappy. And to beat diabetes. Every step I ran was to move closer to that goal. And I didn’t stop when I achieved it.

My husband: For all the reasons I mentioned in my previous post. He’s my rock.

I love this shirt and what it stands for. Saucony isn’t my typical running brand (I’ve recently developed a love for Brooks gear, though) but I think every time I look at this shirt, I’ll get motivated. And I’ll remember why I run.

And, as I mentioned before, that’s inspiration to keep going.

Problems afoot

When I lost 30+ pounds more than a year ago, the first thing I did was run out and buy an amazing pair of Steve Madden patent black pumps. They are still one of my favorite pairs of shoes. And they changed my life.

Because I wasn’t carrying around extra baggage, I could pull off a pair of awesome heels. I did so, frequently. I even had matching pairs of flats for nearly every pair I had, just in case I had to run out and shoot video for my job.

My heels made me taller, more confident. Wearing them was a reward for losing the weight.

Flash forward to March when I ran my first half marathon. Three days before my run, I was rushing up some stairs at the local community college I work at part time. My heel got stuck in a crack and nearly pulled me down. Even worse, it skinned up my foot pretty bad. It’s no wonder I had such bad foot pain during and after the run. I was walking wounded.

I realized after I made the decision to run more half marathons (and eventually a marathon) that, perhaps, heels weren’t such a good idea when it came to running. So I gradually started not wearing them.

I didn’t realize how much I’d changed until today when I was talking to a coworker about it. My shoes today (above) are a basic pair of purple flats from Gap. They are about 2-years-old. They have a little ruffle. They are functional, and yes, even cute. But they aren’t heels.

These are heels.

They are a marked down $90 pair of Guess satin pumps from Dillard’s. They are amazing shoes. I feel like a goddess in them. But I’ve never worn them out in public. I can’t muster up the courage to do so when I may or may not injure myself or make my legs more tired than they already are after 10+ weeks of marathon training.

So I don’t get to wear beauties like these either:

Could I, technically, go out and wear them anytime? Yes. Of course I can.

But I can’t seem to do so because I can’t convince myself it would be good for my feet. My poor feet take a pounding with long runs four times a week. The last thing I want to do is aggravate them more. So I defer. I don’t wear the heels.

I have pulled them out for special occasions. But not for my 10 to 12 hour work days between both jobs.

Instead, I’ve worn down my now vast collection of flats.

The cognac-colored pair from Aldo has a tiny little heel, enough to make a big noise when I walk down the hall (I’m still, after all, a pretty heavy girl). The bottoms are looking incredibly worn and tired.

Or there is this pair from American Eagle:

(I think I should have called this post: “The one in which all my photos are blurry.” Sorry about that, bad lighting at home.

I use this pair after long runs when my feet are more wide then they should be.

Unfortunately I don’t think this is only symptomatic of marathon training. I like wearing flats, particularly because I have flat feet. And I move faster in them and have less pain at the end of the day.

But I miss the heels. I miss feeling invincible in them. (Oh and there’s a great deal of compliments that come with having amazing shoes, really. I miss that as well.) But I’m protecting my feet from injury and unnecessary wear and tear.

I think this is the point I know I’m a runner, actually. I’m more comfortable in my Nike Equalons than any other shoe. I never thought I’d get to this point.

New swag

I got a new shirt in the mail yesterday. It came to my parent’s house in Stockton, so I went and picked it up. I bought it from another runner who has a clothing site.

And I love it. I’m not sure if it’s because it literally took two months to get so I’ve been patiently waiting or because it’s unique and made specifically for me. But I love it.

When I took it out of the package I didn’t think it would fit. But I put it on and it’s awesome! I’m so excited to get to wear it at some point in the next week for a run. Probably not for the half marathon, but definitely for another run next week.

Speaking of running, I’ve been taking a couple days off. I ran the Nike Women’s Half Marathon last Sunday. I’m running another half marathon this Sunday. I’m trying not to burn out. So I’ve only done swimming for the past three days. Tonight the swim instructor worked me hard. I’m tired.

Of note: I also came home to a second orange long-sleeved running shirt from the San Francisco Marathon. I love the one I got at my half on July 31 so much that when I saw they were only charging $15 for another one, I ordered. That makes only two races I’ve scored second shirts at. I have a second one from Oakland too because I love that one so much too.

And I’m waiting for another shirt from Saucony as well. I probably don’t need a ton of running clothes anymore, but I love getting new running swag to sport. It gets me excited for the next run. Hopefully that’s a recovery 5-miler in between my two jobs on Friday.

My Monday night date

The last two weeks I’ve woken up to a very stiff right ankle/heel.

After my Achilles pull earlier this year, I’m trying not to put too much pressure on that leg. I’m giving it the rest it needs whenever I can. I’m taking rest days. But the pain is still there from time to time. When it is, I have to roll it out.

I spent a good deal of time rolling it out for the first four weeks after my injury in mid-August. I’m realizing I need some more stretching, though, as of late.

I took Monday night off my run. My Sunday/Monday running days are my only back to back ones. So if I do an extra long run on Sunday, such as my 15-miler, I am giving myself the option of taking Monday off. So I did.

It’s good I did. I noticed some gnarly bruising on my legs tonight. It’s from all the rolling I’m doing on my legs lately. It also proves to me that I need to setup a massage some time soon to help work those muscles out a little more.

So I pulled out my rollers again tonight, specifically the Trigger Point Foot and Lower Leg kit. (Mine only came with one ball, though.)

Here’s a better closeup:

I’m spending a lot of time trying to make my legs less tight. I up my mileage and my body has moments of rebellion where it basically says “really, we’re doing this again?” Yes, yes we are.

Finally 15

I was supposed to wake up this morning and head to Mountain House for a 15-mile run with Jennie. That didn’t happen. Instead, I woke up at 2 a.m. with a bloody nose. I didn’t think much of it outside of it being annoying. When I woke up again at 5:45 a.m. I sneezed and my nose started bleeding even more. Then it didn’t stop.

Well, crap.

Sorry for the graphic nature, but the blood was running down my throat. I held my head back. I tried to make the nose bleed stop in the bathroom so that I’d still be able to run. Nope. I texted Jennie. We were a no go on the run.

I got the nose bleed to stop, temporarily, and went back to bed. I didn’t wake up again until after 10 a.m. and the nose bleed came back, a little. Great. It was turning out to be a not-so-great morning.

I put away my hopes for a 15-mile run. I decided to just relax.

By 2 p.m. I was feeling A LOT better. But it was past the point I like to run outside. If I venture out at 3 or 4 p.m. I usually end up being held up by traffic lights and not-so-nice motorists who refuse to wait for me to cross.

So I opted for a treadmill run.

Yikes. I’ve done 10-mile treadmill runs. Never 15.

So I prepared.

First, I found the non Band-Aid brand band-aids. I know there’s another term for them, but it escapes me. I still have a bad blister injury from last week’s half marathon. So I wrapped my toe.

I prepared for a slowish run because I wanted to make sure I could last the whole 15 miles. I aimed at 12-minute pacing. I started quick, though, under a 10-minute pace.

I loaded up my 20-ounce Amphipod water bottles with a mix of 50/50 water and Gatorade.

I have two because one typically has a sleeve to keep the water colder. I use the sleeve more during the winter so that my hand doesn’t get as cold. I took it off today so it was easier to hold on to mid-way through my run.

I kept one bottle in the refrigerator. During my long treadmill runs I usually get off the treadmill a couple times. I do that for necessity rather than a real want to get off and start over.

My treadmill maxes out at 99 minutes or 999 calories. After 99 minutes the treadmill shuts down. Everything stops.

That’s part of the reason I invested in a Garmin foot pod for my Garmin 405CX.

This way I can use my Garmin to accurately reflect how far I’ve gone. It’s funny, though, even though I have the Garmin calibrated with the foot pod, my 12-minute miles were coming up short in the beginning and long at the end. It’s likely because I slow down as I run longer distances.

So I use the Garmin and have to get off the treadmill about 7.5 miles in just to reset the treadmill. I usually take this time to also grab the second water bottle, go to the bathroom, give my dog a hug, etc.

It’s always the time I want to stop as well.

I finally didn’t today. I just kept pacing through, usually doing miles under 12 minutes. I just kept moving along.

By mile 14, I was starting to get tired. This is why training runs are so important. I’m not convinced it’s about the mileage I am racking up, but rather about the time I am running. I need to be able to run 4-plus hours in order to run the marathon in less than two months. Whether it was a good idea in between two half marathons is another question.

Either way, I finally hit the 15-mile mark in slightly under three hours.

I know treadmill training isn’t the best for marathon training, but I know it can be done. I’ve read a lot about busy people who only train on treadmills, so I never feel bad running on mine. In fact, it helps my joints and is really better for me in general. So I’m slightly more back on track for this marathon.

It was really starting to worry me, not  getting in the 15-mile run. Now that I have it’s a huge weight off my chest.

On to the Nike Women’s Half Marathon next week. I’ve decided, particularly with the running of three half marathons this month, that I’m going to approach this race as a good opportunity to pace myself and really enjoy the whole 13.1 experience. I’ll be with two friends and my Team Somersaults teammates and I just really want to finish strong and have an awesome time.

What lies beneath

I love the cold. The seasons of fall and winter are my favorite times of the year. The leaves start to change. People start to decorate for the holidays. And my runs get better, if only because it’s no longer scorching hot. I love wearing longer-sleeved shirts and venturing out in the crisp morning.

With a cold snap also typically comes rain.

We got a little in the area this week. It came during a recovery week and I was spending more time on the treadmill anyway. But I know soon I’ll have to run outside in damp, wet and cold conditions. And that always worries me a little.

I don’t mind running the rain. I’ve done it before. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to wear my contacts out instead of my glasses (fog, water drops and basic annoyance are the reasons) and make sure I bring a towel if for the car ride home if I’m in Mountain House or racing.

I mind the hidden mud. I’ll explain.

The picture at the top of this post is from the college campus I work on. It’s a puddle. It just looks like a puddle. But it’s also a mud puddle. It doesn’t look like a mud puddle. Not at all.

During the first rains of the year this sort of thing happens a lot. I’ll be out running and suddenly come across a puddle that just looks like a puddle. Every now and then, there’s actually mud underneath.

The mud can take an ankle out. It can cause a runner (or anyone for that matter) to slip and maybe even break an arm. This happened to me during a 10-mile run earlier this year.

I was running through a puddle and slid pretty good on the street. I didn’t hurt myself too bad. I had some scratches. One of my fingers was a little beat up as well. But, for the most part, I was OK. It caused me to think twice about running outside for some time. I switched up my training to the treadmill during the wet season.

That’s not really an option as I prepare for the marathon I’m hoping to run on Dec. 4. I need to run outside.

So the headlamp will come out at nights and I’ll likely slow down, despite feeling good on my cool morning runs, just to prevent slipping and sliding across nasty mud puddles.

Running with Team Somersaults

When I started running nearly two years ago, I never thought I’d run a half marathon.

I started with 5Ks and didn’t make my way to a 10K until November 2010. That was 11 months after I started running. I couldn’t imagine going any further. After I ran that 10K, I ran another. Then another. I then found myself signing up for a half marathon. My first, the Oakland Running Festival, was in March of this year.

That’s when I set my eyes on what I thought was the pinnacle of all half marathons: the Nike Women’s Half Marathon on Oct. 16 in San Francisco.

I entered the lottery with two friends as part of our running club. We waited. And waited. Then the day came when names were chosen we kept seeing the Nike 26.2 Facebook page saying that more notifications were being sent out. We never got ours. The next day, all three of us got the “winged goddess has spoke” email. We were not chosen.

I want to say I was devastated.  I’m fiercely brand loyal to Nike. I love my Nike running shoes (which I don’t think people hear a lot because there as SO MANY other shoe brands out there). But I’m a Nike girl, right down to my Dri-Fit running shirts, capris and my inexpensive sandals for after my run. So Sam and I booked the Oct. 2 Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose half marathon.

One of my favorite bloggers, though, listed a contest for a Sausalito-based healthy snack company called Somersault Snacks. I’ve been given Somersault Snacks at runs before. I remembered liking the sea-salt flavored ones. I logged on to the Facebook page and checked it out.

Tell us why you run, they said. So I did.

I answered with this statement: “I run to be…healthy” – I started running to get off my diabetes medication.  I’m now medication free and training for my first marathon!”

About a week later, I got an email from the lovely crew at Somersault Snacks telling me I’d won a spot on their team for the Nike Women’s Half. I had a moment. I squealed. I cried a little. I couldn’t believe it, for a couple reasons.

It seemed like serendipity that a company that made snacks out of my favorite flower would choose me to represent them. I am humbled and honored by this opportunity. So much so that when I was forwarded a copy of the team’s training schedule and saw there were only two more team runs, I told myself I’d make one. I couldn’t do the 12-mile run in San Francisco last weekend, so instead I went to the one in Sausalito today. I even took a day off of work for it.

We ran five-miles around the waterfront area and two members of the Somersault team took myself and Jamie, another contest winner, up a fairly steep hill. Good training for next week’s run.

The elevation gained looked exactly like this:

Notice the hill wasn’t over a mile-long run. It was pretty hefty. Whew. I trained for a flat and fast San Jose. These ladies worked me out a little today.

We ran with a beautiful view of the San Francisco skyline on one side of us and through neighborhoods. We even ran by a slightly-interesting site in the first part of the run. It was so bizarre, I went back and took a photo.

Do you see the gigantic baby in the background? That was kind of awesome!

I’m bummed I didn’t take my phone with me to get some nice shots of the skyline and the hill we climbed. I need to remember that now that I have a blog I SHOULD be carrying my camera around.

I had a nice chat with Jamie along the way. It was a great run. It was awesome to run somewhere different, with different people. It was awesome to finally meet the people involved with and see the company that’s provided me such a great opportunity.

The Somersault Snacks crew was a hospitable group. And the swag they gave to us was awesome. We got the cool Nike jersey above with the cute logo on the back. I got a little sunflower clip for my hair (race day necessity!) and samples. I even took some of the samples to Sam tonight during our cross-training swimming lesson.

I’m planning on taking more to share at work tomorrow and maybe with my students during/after newspaper distribution.

The crew didn’t ask me to blog about this experience, but I’ve been so excited leading up to it that I had to. I’m thrilled to be part of a team of women running a half marathon aimed at women. I’m thrilled to have been picked from so many others for a completely sold out race. And I’m thrilled I was able to make the journey to Sausalito to at least say thank you in person.

I’m excited for Oct. 16 when I get to wear my Team Somersaults jersey and meet the rest of the team.

 

Getting ready to rock it in San Jose

When my friend Sam and I signed up for the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose Half Marathon we did so because we didn’t get admission into the Nike Women’s Half on Oct. 16.

We figured we needed something to train for. Rock ‘n’ Roll would be our October half. It would also be Sam’s first.

By a strange twist of fate Sam, our friend Jennie and I all gained Nike entry in the past month. But that’s for another post.

The race is tomorrow. Today we ventured to San Jose to pick up our race packets (I’m always slightly annoyed by this practice, but understand nonetheless that part of what these races do is bring people into the area) and check out the expo.

Sam had never been to an expo before. I fear she may be spoiled now.

For one, the race medal is awesome. It’s not ridiculously small, like the last two I’ve received. And it’s heavy – very heavy. It’s a beautiful medal. I can’t wait to get one in my hands in fact.

The race packet pick up was by far the best I’ve ever experience. No long waits. In fact, we both walked right up and grabbed our bib numbers. We were handed an extra packet with four safety pins. That was a perk. So often I’m handed bib numbers without any way to attach them to my shirt.

We then moved to the “shirts/swag” area. Our blue Brooks shirts are nice, but they are a unisex size medium and I can swim in it. No kidding. I’m actually kind of in love with races that have sex specific shirts. My favorite so far is from the San Francisco Marathon, but I digress.

We picked up our shirts quickly and found our way to a swag bag table with reusable pull-string backpacks (the first image in this post) that actually double as sweat-check bags. The next stop was the race-specific merchandise area where the prices were a little steep for Brooks gear (one of the sponsors) with official logos on it.

We checked out some of the booths, including some fine Moving Comfort goods. We also checked out some sweet smelling portable toilets (if only because they didn’t actually have a stool in it).

The main floor of the expo was really awesome. There were representatives from big and small name companies. There were brands I’ve ever of and some I never knew existed.

We got free energy bar samples. We tried some recovery drinks (Sam found the Muscle Milk booth) and checked out the booths for other races, including the Oakland Running Festival which we’ll be hitting up in March.

We got to a small booth hidden away on the side of the hall where we got race-size Body Glide for $1. I also got a larger stick for $7, which is as much as I paid for my smaller stick awhile back.

I also found a neon green pair of Zensah compression sleeves for my legs. I’m not too keen on the color, but at $25 the price was right and I figured if I wear them at night people will at least people able to see me.

I’ve already tried them on and I love them. I don’t think they’ll be making their debut in the race tomorrow, but I might try them on one of my shorter runs sometime this week. The sleeves are much more neon green than the photo shows, believe me.

Sam had her stance evaluated at one booth. I think she would have taken the plunge and bought some new insoles if they weren’t so expensive.

We then found a booth for “The Stick” massage stick. The representative literally spent a minute on my leg and I was convinced I needed to own one. I’m planning on rubbing my leg out later with it before I go to sleep tonight.

I may have to add it to my “favorites” list if I love it enough. Sam wasn’t as convinced, but she felt the deep tissue version.

That said, she ended up buying a sweet little massager for her muscles. While she was getting a preview at that booth I saw that Marshall Ulrich of “Running on Empty” fame. I ordered his book from amazon.com the other day. I’m supposed to get it on Monday.

But then I saw him there. I nearly had a squeal running geek girl moment. I contemplated not going over to shake his hand and say hello. I was recommended his book by a friend who said it would be a good read when training for a marathon.

I sucked up my nerve and went over and said hi. I could barely ask questions I was so nervous (awkward for a journalist, yes). I talked to him and bought a book on the spot. I’ll send the amazon.com one back. He signed my copy. It was totally worth it. I’ve never been so inspired during a five-minute conversation with someone.

Seriously. He signed my book saying “the only limitations are in your mind.” I’m using that to get through the 13.1 tomorrow. And, hopefully, the 26.2 in December.

Our parking meter was coming close to expiring, so we had to get moving quickly. It was too bad too because Sam was actually loving the whole expo experience. I’ve been to three other expos for half marathons and this was the best of them all. It was well-lit, had a lot of free swag and good deals on other items. Garmin was even there with a booth. I nearly bought a new heart-rate monitor, but I figured I’d wait until mine actually went out.

I’m stoked about running this half marathon for a couple reasons. The first is that there is entertainment along every mile. I think I’m going to enjoy that. The second is that it’s the first half since I hurt my leg in August. I thought for a minute there that I may not run the rest of the year. I had a two-week period where all I wanted to do was cry because my leg hurt so bad.

I feel good about this run. Now I just need to pick out what I’m wearing.