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Jan 10

A new emergency, complete with surgery

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That whole post about bad luck? It just keeps getting worse.

The culmination of it all was an emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder (yes, the whole freaking thing) and a gallstone the size of a quarter from my body on Wednesday morning.

Let me go back to Jan. 1.

That emergency room trip where the CT scan showed nothing? Where blood tests were inconclusive?

I was sent home, that night, after being loaded up with painkillers. The good painkillers, not the ones that make me feel like I’m on fire (looking at you Morphine). I was also prescribed a bottle of Vicodin and some anti-nausea medication. Good thing too, because I had to keep taking it.

I can’t even begin to describe the pain I feel when it happens. It starts dull, then radiates throughout my abdomen. Then my stomach seems to get bloated. Last week, I couldn’t wear my jeans. It was that bad. And when all is said and done, it passes. Like nothing. It usually only lasts a night or so, then I’m back at it.

But this time, the pain stuck around. I noticed it when I was shooting a video on Thursday of last week. As I sat on the floor, something I usually do when shooting video. I all of the sudden had a sharp pain in my side. Then I felt a little sick. I was able to finish the video without any other incident.

On Saturday, it felt like it was kicking up again. By Monday, I was harboring a dull pain as I went throughout my day. I’ve been dealing with this since graduate school. Doctors first diagnosed me with an ulcer. That was a lucky guess … because I ended up having a pretty gnarly ulcer. My husband rushed me to the ER the year we got married after I could barely stand up. Then doctors said it was kidney stones. In 2010, I had surgery to look for “lady problems” that could be causing the pain.

Another doctor told me I needed to lose some weight. I proceeded forward with that. Thirty-pounds lighter, the pain came back.

And it kept coming, until Tuesday when, at another video assignment, it was full blown. Just crazy bad. Tuesday ended for me in a way that I should have predicted a few weeks ago when I decided to go back to work, except in the real-life version I was called self absorbed. (Not for this post.)

I came home upset Tuesday night. I took a Xanax to calm down. I fell asleep fast.

By midnight, I was wide awake trying to get the pain to pass again. I tried to go to the bathroom. I drank water, a ton of water. I used the heating pad. I took a shower. I did everything.

Then I started throwing up. Everything. Nothing stayed down. (Even that $10, super delicious Togo’s sandwich. Damn.)

So at 4 a.m., I woke my husband up by collapsing on our bedroom floor.

“I’m dying,” I cried.

“You’re not dying,” he said.

But he couldn’t deny I was in pain.

It took them an hour to get me painkillers. I hadn’t even had time, since the previous visit, to check in with my regular physician. This time, the emergency room doctor (a really young looking guy), ordered up a CT with contrast.

Less than 30 minutes later, he was back in my ER bay telling me by gallbladder looked inflamed. He brought in an ultrasound machine. He felt around. He said he wanted to consult the surgeon.

By 9 a.m. I was being wheeled into the surgery room to have my gallbladder removed.

I woke up in recovery, still dazed about all that had transpired in less than 12 hours.

And greeted by a clear liquid diet.

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Chicken broth. Jello. Yum. I also got juice. No carbonated beverages, though. Apparently, I may not be able to drink carbonated beverages for a while now.

Oh, and new holes all over my abdomen. I felt like a human pincushion.

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That’s what I look like after having a organ removed. And being put under general anesthesia. And being hooked up to a major massive IV delivering more painkillers.

So I’m sans gallbladder. My husband was right: I wasn’t dying.

But I’m not supposed to lift anything more than 15 pounds for the next month. I have an awesome sheet full of lots of fun doctor orders. No this. No that. No running. For at least two weeks.

So that 10K I was so jazzed about? Not happening, according to my husband. It’s only 16 days away. He wants me to contact the race company and transfer my entry to another event. I’ll get around to it, when I have a moment of clarity without the pain medication. (Like right now, when I’m not nearly as groggy as I thought I’d be.)

I’m trying not to be iffy about my half marathon in February, but you never know about these things. I’m in a lot of pain right now. I can barely stay awake for more than three hours, apparently a result of being put under.

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That was my view for the day/night. The night was ridiculous. There was no way I could get a good night’s rest. I had nurses coming in every two hours to check my vitals and make sure I was still alive. If they hadn’t have kept giving me pain medication, I probably wouldn’t have gone back to sleep.

One of the orderlys was really nice, though. She saw I was having trouble navigating something simple like opening up a sugar packet, for my tea, and she offered to make it for me.

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I nearly cried when she left. Lately I’ve been greeted with questioning looks and doubtful smiles. This woman was genuinely nice to me. She even opened up my napkin and put it on my lap. Why can’t more people be like that? (I may sound cheesy right now, but I’m had a hellish three weeks that has made me question nearly everything I knew about friendship and proper decorum.)

I kept getting zonked out with the IV painkillers.

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That little bag was both my friend and my enemy. They had to remove the original IV from my right hand and move it to my left late last night because the original one had saturated my arm. Every time my nurse “flushed” the line, it burned.

This morning, my husband came and bailed me out. We only live right down the street from the hospital, but the trip felt long. I really just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. When I finally did, I fell fast asleep.

I’m a little hunched over when I walk now. And the pain is still radiating, but this time I know it’s from the holes, not the gigantic gallstone.

I keep asking myself: Why is all this happening? What is it setting me up for?

One of my favorite songs says “it’s always darkest before the dawn.” I keep hoping that’s true. I keep thinking positively. It will all mean something, anything, eventually. But what matters right now, what I know matters, is that I am home, And safe. And my husband is taking care of me. And a friend who mattered came to see me. And my mom showed up without hesitation when she was called.

I know I’m loved, even if everything is falling apart all around me.

Jan 5

If I didn’t have bad luck …

I wouldn’t have any. Or so the saying goes.

The first hours of 2013 were great. No problems. I just hung out on my couch. I decided not to go for a run because my left IT band was still bothering me. My left big toenail (the one that is becoming increasingly black), also started hurting a little bit more.

Then, at about 4 p.m. my abdomen started hurting.

It wasn’t just as little pain, it was a horrible stabbing pain. I tried heat. I tried an ice pack. I took a bath. I took some pain relievers. I did everything. But 8 p.m. I was so sick and disoriented that I could barely stand up. Every time I moved it hurt.

I kept thinking it would get better. It didn’t.

Finally, fearing that my appendix was exploding or some other extreme malady was occurring, my husband high-tailed me to the hospital.

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I think the fact that I threw up, pretty significantly, in triage got me in quicker than I imagined I would. I was keeling over in pain. I could barely get into the hospital gown. But they loaded me up with Dilaudid, a pain reliever that’s not morphine (I’m allergic to morphine), and I suddenly felt so much better.

I had an x-ray done. They found nothing.

No explanation. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. It’s not that I wanted my appendix to be exploding. Not at all. That would have set my running back months (I had a surgery in July 2010 and couldn’t run for four weeks, longest four weeks of my life). But I wanted something to be happening so I could have a diagnosis and get work on making it better.

Instead, they told me to visit a gastrointestinal doctor.

Let’s me real: I’ve seen a lot of doctors lately. The thought of another one just bums me out.

So I started this year bummed out, doped up on pain relievers in an emergency room bed. After two months on leave, I didn’t have the heart to call in sick to work the next day. I was tired, and the pain still resonated, but I made it through.

On Thursday, I headed out to my car to go to work and noticed a strange scratch on the door.

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It didn’t look right. I opened the door and found something much, much worse inside.

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You’ve got to be kidding me?

No. Way.

Someone tried to break into my car. The only place I’d been? Work.

My car is in the garage when I’m at home. I sent my husband an email when I got to work.

“I think someone tried to break into the Jeep,” it said. He had me send photos. When he received them, he was livid.

I mentioned it to the security guard at work. He told me that someone else’s car was broken into earlier in the week, but no one was in the lot last night, etc.

My husband was firm: The only place it could have happened was in the lot at work.

The damage is fairly significant, especially on a new car.

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I filed a police report. We’re turning it into insurance. My typically mild-mannered husband was cursing and upset when I got home and showed him. I told him I impressed by the Jeep’s durability. The bad guys didn’t get in. Nothing was stolen. And it’s not like they can steal the car anyway, since a proximity chip is needed to start it.

Then on Friday, after all of this happens during the week, the cracks in the facade start to show a little in my anxiety. It turned into a bad day.

One bad day after another.

But … my IT band isn’t in as much pain as it was a couple days ago. I’ve been stretching it every night and rolling it out with my Grid roller. I’ve also been using my TriggerPoint ball to massage the ends of my IT band.

I ran six miles yesterday. I ran five miles today.

I’m hoping to run eight to 10 tomorrow morning.

The running is going well. I’m hopeful that I’ll be ready to tackle that trail 1oK on Jan. 26. (And start upping the ante for the half marathon in February.) So I guess there is good luck too in all this.

Since I keep having issues with that particular IT band, I’m considering investing in one of those physical therapy-style rubber straps to use to get some more mobility in that leg. I’m already rolling it out everyday. I’m stretching it out as much as possible. But the problem keeps coming back.

I suppose it’s better than having constant knee issues, but still. We’ll see if I can figure out a plan of attack on the IT band from hell.

Jan 1

Ringing in the new year

I love getting surprises in the mail, even when I know they are coming.

It’s always cool to come home to something awesome. On Monday, I came home to an answer package from T-Rex Runner. I’ve been reading her blog for a couple months now and I love, love, love it. When I saw she had shirts made, I knew that I had to get one.

Except I don’t have a PayPal account. So I had my husband order one for me.

I was so excited to open the package.

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I have to admit, I had a moment when I opened it. The awesome T-Rex on the back, wearing running shoes and with pretty eyelashes, was exactly how I imagined it would be. Under the image is the URL to the blog.

I’ve purchased shirts before from my favorite bloggers. Why? I think it supports what we do, even if only a little. It’s easy to get a website on WordPress and just use that to blog.

It takes more, though, when you actually buy the space, design the blog, maintain the site, etc. It’s a lot of work to blog, even if it doesn’t seem like it on our end. (A side note, yes, I’ve been blogging about non-running things lately. As much as I want to say “it’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to, I know that’s now what people come here for. I won’t promise it won’t happen again, but I start my training plan for my next half marathon this week.)

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That’s the front of the shirt. I was so excited to get it that I put it on and ran four miles on the treadmill.

T-Rex Runner even sent along a nice card thanking my husband and I for the supporting. It was adorable.

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That four miles was significant, though, for two reasons.

The first is that it got me to 100 miles for the month of December, which only hours before when I had a terrible headache at work I thought wouldn’t happen. I had planned to hit the treadmill in the morning, but was just too tired.

I need two miles to get to 100.

I needed four to get to 1,250 miles for the year.

I’m not sure why I wanted a “nice round number” to cap off 2012, but I did. So I ran, watching the beginning of Downton Abbey (not sure I’ll pick that show up).

My IT band on the left side is still in pain, though. I have to take it slow under my legs warm up.

During my run, I got a text canceling our plans for New Year’s Eve. My husband and I decided to go get take-and-bake pizza anyway, as we had planned to do with friends, and stay home with wine, beer and champagne.

I never changed out of my running clothes.

We had pizza and bread sticks. Then we headed into our office to brush the dogs while my husband talked on the phone with a friend who later came over. When Beau, our male dog, was done, he headed back out to the kitchen.

Beau has a tendency to steal food. It’s less tendency, more of a problem.

Case in point:

To be fair, we set him up on that one. But he takes food off the counters, literally. We have to hide stuff from him. “No!” doesn’t even cut it with him. He is always hungry. My husband calls him “hungry monster.”

When I came back into the kitchen, Beau was staring up at me eating 10 slices of pizza. Only two were left, still on the take-and-bake plate. He devoured more than half the pizza.

Well. I wanted to start my new year on a good diet anyway…so I guess him eating the pizza was not that big of a deal.

Plus, this is the face I get:

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I should put him on Dog Shaming.

We spent the rest of the night hanging out with friends at home waiting for midnight. It was a nice, low key celebration.

Today we’re staying at home, hanging out and watching Netflix. I may hop on the treadmill later and knock out a run after we eat dinner. (Starting of the year right is a theme, yes?)

I did something I’d been putting off for awhile today: I signed up for the San Luis Obispo Marathon that’s happening in less than 100 days. I’m hoping to try and achieve what I was for California International Marathon, without the rain hopefully.

So 2013 is starting off on a good note. After the last couple months of 2012, I’m glad of it.

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