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Posts from the ‘Health’ Category

Reasons to be thankful

First: I’m a horrible blogger. I know. I want to apologize, but the truth is that between freelance projects, my students and a wedding I’m going to be in next weekend, I’ve been so busy that I just haven’t had time.

Second: I’m barely running.

The first trimester of pregnancy left me incredibly tried. This second semester has made me feel even more incompatible with pregnant running, especially now that I’m feeling baby more.

Because baby likes to kick me in the bladder.

A lot.

And I’m ridiculously thankful for baby kicks, even if they are like little ninja chops to my bladder.

I’m also thankful for long running shirts that still cover my growing, nearly 18-week along belly. And Spandex. I love Spandex. Because you can’t go wrong with stretchy pants when you are expanding every day.

In the past three days, baby has allowed me to get THREE solid workouts in.

Right now that’s huge for me. I ran two miles, then felt like baby was punishing me for it on Tuesday. I went back to yoga on Wednesday. Then this morning I did my own Turkey Trot on the treadmill and ran a 5K.

I’m not fast. At all.

And I can’t handle the distance, which meant that I didn’t get to run the Inaugural Berkeley Half Marathon last weekend. But I’m still trying to put one foot in front of the other.

I’m getting there. But it’s kind of hard to blog about running and health when I haven’t been running all that much.

That said, I’m thankful for a lot this Thanksgiving:

  1. Baby, obviously. I’m thankful for the little flutters and kicks, even the nasty ones, that I’ve been getting lately. We’ll find out baby’s sex on Dec. 16 and I’m excited to know, even though it doesn’t matter either way to me.
  2. The little bit of running I am doing. I can’t handle a 10-miler, but I feel good even after a two-mile run. I haven’t been able to say that in a long time.
  3. Maternity pants. I want to wear maternity pants all year round, even if I am not pregnant. Maternity jeans are ridiculously comfortable.
  4. My job. It takes a lot out of me, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. My students surprise me every issue with their talent and creativity.
  5. My treadmill. I’m too afraid to getting too far from home right now. So I’m a treadmill rat. I’m not even sorry.
  6. Time with my grandmothers. I’m lucky both of my grandmothers are still alive and I am able to enjoy spending holidays with them.
  7. A bridesmaid dress that still fits. I got it big in May when it came. I’m lucky it came big. No extra alterations. At least right now…with 10 days to the wedding I’ll be in next weekend.
  8. My dogs. Because they are awesome.
  9. My husband. He puts up with me. That’s more than enough.
  10. My health. So far no positive test for gestational diabetes. All my blood sugars have been within normal range. I feel good. I know I will feel better if I am more active, but for now, I’m excited to be “healthy.”

There is a lot more I’m probably not remembering.

This year Thanksgiving gives me a lot of reasons to be thankful…even if running long distances isn’t  one of them.

The after

A year ago I was sitting in an emergency room calming down after being administered an emergency Xanax. My very taxed brain was relaxing for the first time in weeks. My body was coming out of a panic-induced tension.

A year ago, I couldn’t have imagined what I would be like today. Because I didn’t know how I would get through the next hour. Or the next day. I didn’t know how I would wake up and take on another day.

My confidence was replaced with sadness and fear. My voice trembled when I spoke. For weeks I had a tendency to burst into tears and cry for hours. I had to excuse myself from rooms to do just that for months.

A year ago, I temporarily lost myself. I broke down.

I spent four months in therapy, putting myself back together. Recognizing that the cause was a job that I had spent too long trying to make better and fake people I’d spent too much time investing myself in was one of the greatest breakthroughs. Finally “separating” from said job brought a secondary emotional whirlwind that I worked through for even more months.

I waded through the darkest period of my life and the seeming loss of what I always considered mt first love only to realize that I never fell out of love with journalism. I never lost my passion for it. It just got buried under bureaucracy, middle management restrictions and office politics. It was buried under a deep depression that wouldn’t have become better if I had stayed.

I fought my way back to me by training for and running 26.2 three times, earning a 12-minute PR in April at the San Luis Obispo Marathon. I did my first out of state race in Portland. I bricked my half marathon schedule to achieve a significant half marathon PR and finish with a 2:16 in San Diego.

I ran because it was what I knew to do when things got bad. I ran because it was my way to cope.

Eight weeks ago, though, I remembered why I started running. At 200 pounds, I was a Type 2 diabetic on medication. I was sluggish and unhappy. I was also told, once upon a time, that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and would likely have issues conceiving a child when the time came. (A surgery in 2010 found no issues with my ovaries, despite my hormone levels being way off.)

Get the weight down, health care professionals advised. Manage your diet better, the doctors warned.

There are things you don’t tell people when you start running. That was my thing. No one needed to know I was running to one day be able to have a baby. Because some things should be left personal.

To me, 2013 will always be the year of the personal best. Because I ran my butt off to put myself back together. Because my distance times improved.

But also because my personal best also means that eight weeks ago, my husband and I found out we will become first-time parents in May.

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So as much as I will struggle to get through the one-year anniversary of the day that changed my life completely, I am celebrating the most beautiful “after” gift that I’ve received by way of the hell it took to get here.

The light at the end of the tunnel I so desperately sought a year ago burns brighter than I could have ever imagined.

Because I ran.

Every step.

Every mile.

Every marathon.

For this.

Today was a good day to run

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To say running has been a struggle lately might be an understatement. It’s been impossible on most days. In four weeks of scheduled races, I only made it to two. But the two I made it two were like night and day.

Two weeks ago, I ran a horrible half marathon. To make matters worse, my running buddy was having such a hard time with the race that she kept telling me to go ahead. I didn’t want to. As much as I had invested in it, I didn’t feel the need to do run away from her or go on without her. Nope. Wasn’t happening.

So Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose didn’t go well for either of us. She was trying to keep me at a slower pace, too. If she hadn’t have paced me through the first eight miles, I probably wouldn’t have finished.

Today, though, marked the inaugural Let’s Go 510K.

So many things were amazing about today. I’ll write a race recap later, and hopefully be back to regular blogging, but a couple standouts included:

  1. An excellent turnout of people: I was given the chance to volunteer thanks to my race ambassador duties at packet pick up on Friday and was told that around 1,000 people signed up to run the event. THAT’S AN AMAZING NUMBER! Especially for a first-time event.
  2. Good running conditions: The race start was at 10 a.m., which meant that I could sleep in! It was still cold and slightly windy when we started our trek from Golden Gate Fields toward the Berkeley Marina.
  3. Plentiful support: The East Bay really came out to celebrate this run. We passed members of the Oakland Raider’s Black Hole, young soccer players and avid bird watchers — all cheered loud and proud.
  4. Location, location, location: A start along the San Francisco Bay? A route that winds around Albany and Berkeley’s picturesque shoreline? A finish ON THE TRACK at Golden Gate Fields? I haven’t run an in-city 10K with that much to offer ever.

The best part, though, was that I ran decently. Not well. Not PR status. But good enough that I feel better about running again.

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I haven’t had such a “runner’s high” in quite sometime. But today, surrounded by a group of ridiculously excited first ever “five and dimers” I found a new spark in my passion for running.

Yes, something is up

But I’m not quite ready to share.

There’s a great concern among readers of this blog when I suddenly drop off the face of the world for awhile. It’s not deliberate. I promise. I’ve been busy with my students (journalism conference last weekend and a new issue this week), website work and family stuff.

There are some confessions, though:

  1. My nutrition is still in flux and I’m working through it. I say that because I have received many, many suggestions for things that are “easier” on my stomach. The problem is I still have no gallbladder, so what works for one person sometimes (usually) doesn’t work for me.
  2. The nutrition aspect has wrecked havoc on my training. My mileage will be severely cut this month, likely in the 65-70 mile range.
  3. For two weeks, I couldn’t run without feeling like I was going to throw up. TMI, I know. But it was really bad there for a minute.
  4. I’m still running the Half Moon Bay Half Marathon, but I’m pacing myself. That should translate into “I’ll likely be slow and I don’t care.” And I’m already slow-ish. So “slow” may take on a whole new meaning.
  5. I’m still signed up for multiple races this month and have every intention in running them. Slower, with more deliberate thinking and motion going into each step.
  6. The “Year of the PR” is officially over for me. I’m completely OK with that. I’ll hold my 2:16 half marathon finish very close for awhile. And my 5:12 marathon finish. (Not to mention running a 5:15 in San Francisco on a tougher course than San Luis Obispo.)
  7. I’m OK with my level of fitness devolving a little right now. I ran a six-mile taper run yesterday. Today my butt hurts in a way it hasn’t since I trained for my first half marathon. I haven’t hurt this bad after a six-mile run in forever. After tomorrow’s 13.1, I may pass out. It’s likely.
  8. My marriage is fine, my husband continues to be the most supportive man I know. He even let me drag him to Walnut Creek last weekend for packet pick-up for the Half Moon Bay Half Marathon. He stood by me as I traded in my personalized marathon bib for a half one. I think he realized how bittersweet it was for me, but both of us KNEW it was the right choice.
  9. My mental health is fine. That comes up, not surprisingly, because it would be easy for me to regress into an anxiety-ridden, panic mode. That hasn’t happened.
  10. All of this equates to nothing bad. I ran with a cranky gallbladder for two years before the damn thing was removed. I’ve had to work much harder than this. Right now, though, every step feels like a mile. I’m working through it.

Working through it means I haven’t wanted to share as much, for the first time since I started this blog. So I’ve been stepping back and prioritizing. It doesn’t mean I’m joining the mass exodus of bloggers who stopped blogging either. I’m not there yet either.

I just ask for a little patience as I put my health back together. And a little understanding when my half marathon times really start to take a hit.

Halving it for Half Moon Bay

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As of 11 a.m. today, I am officially no longer running a marathon in a week. I traded in my dark-blue bib with my name emblazoned on it for a teal replacement that signifies the switch to 13.1.

I had a moment, as I was walking in to Sports Basement in Walnut Creek, where I asked my husband if he just wanted me to try and run the marathon so we could get our money worth. We both agreed that with the stomach issues and training changes over the past couple months, it would be best to not go that route.

So I walked it, turned a corner and found my way to packet pickup. I went through pickup for the full, with my number 344 being assigned to me. I grabbed the shirt and headed around to the answers desk. The race director was cordial about everything and got me switched out really, really quick.

Part of me wants to be sad. I wanted to finish 2013 with six marathons under my belt.

Instead, I’ll be running 13.1, likely slowly, and adding another half marathon to my list.

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Speaking of that shirt, I love it. All the shirts are the same, saying “26.2 Miles of Running Heaven” so I didn’t have to switch my full marathon shirt for a half shirt. It’s a large Brooks shirt, so it’s good quality. This will be my first of two Brooks shirts in the next couple weeks. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon series also has Brooks shirts. I love how durable they are.

I don’t know much about this race, but I’m already liking what I see. The Half Moon Bay International Marathon has only been around three years now. It seems to have gathered some great traction, though, with a hefty list of sponsors.

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When I first found out about it, I was excited because it sounded exactly like a Big Sur race without the need to travel a long distance and book an overnight hotel room. (It’s about an hour and 15 minute drive early in the morning from where we live.)

Big Sur, though, is a very well established race that splits its main event into two: An April marathon and a November half marathon.

I actually first ran the Big Sur Half Marathon in 2011 on suggestion from my mom. She had a friend who had run the marathon. I, without really looking into the run, decided I wanted to do the 13.1. The full marathon included way too many hills. I found out later, during my 21-miler along the coast there, that it was a tough one.

But the Big Sur Half happens in Monterey and in nearby Pacific Grove before finishing near downtown. It’s not exactly the same as running along Highway 1. That said, I love the Big Sur Half. It’s one of my favorite races. I’ve already told my husband I hope to be back to it in 2014 as I ramp up for California International Marathon next year. Schedule conflicts have prevented me from doing so many of my favorite races this year.

That said, I’m hoping I enjoy Half Moon Bay just as much. I love the feel of smaller races. And I love that more and more are popping up in coastal areas. One of my best experiences in running was at the San Luis Obispo Marathon this year. That route doesn’t run along the coast, but it is beautiful.

So as much as I’m upset that I won’t be tackling the full 26.2 next week, I have a lot of reasons to be really excited about taking on 13.1 along the California coast. I just hope my stomach and body cooperate.

Harnassing the power of algae: An Energy Bits review

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We know algae as the gross green stuff that sits on the top of pools, collects along unclean patios and, generally, causes even the less squeamish of us all to make a contorted face when thinking about it.

It’s kind of gross. A microscopic view of it, as seen below thanks for Wikimedia Commons, doesn’t help the organisms case at all.

algae

So you can imagine my trepidation when I started seeing my fellow running bloggers, particularly in my Fit Approach Sweat Pink group, talking about the wonders of Energy Bits, an algae-based fuel source. Then I got interested. Because it just seemed so bizarre.

I mean, for real? People are eating algae? This can’t be right.

Doesn’t it taste bad? Make you gag? Upset the stomach?

So I did what I do when I’m interested in something, but not quite sold on the idea: I stalked the Energy Bits Twitter account. I’m not even ashamed.

The things I learned:

  1. The Energy Bits Twitter account and social media crew is VERY responsive. It’s probably the most responsive Twitter account I’ve ever seen in all of the running-related Tweets I’ve done over the past couple years.
  2. The bits are RAVVED about. People seriously love them. And swear by them.
  3. Probably the most important of all: The bits don’t taste gross.

Now the last one I didn’t believe. I mean, this is a type of algae. It HAS to taste bad. Nope, I was told. If I swallowed them down with water, I likely wouldn’t taste anything at all.

That’s when I was offered a sample trial of Energy Bits by the Twitter-handler and Energy Bits Director of Social Marketing Jonathan. I jumped at the chance, especially because I’ve have stomach issues all summer that have caused me to rethink my fueling strategies in general.

bits

So I was really excited when I received a package from Energy Bits. I opened it up and looked through all the informational material, which included a breakdown of the Spirulina algae that makes up the 100-percent natural, one-calorie per tab product.

“Run better with bits” a postcard in the package said, saying each tab is all vegan, all raw, all non-GMO, all Kosher and includes more than 40 vitamins and minerals, as well as 64-percent protein and antioxidants.

So much stuff. Such a small little tablet.

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And yes, the tabs are green. They have a bit of a “fishy” smell to them. I guess it’s less “fishy” more “aquarium.” That’s part of the reason Energy Bits actually recommends swallowing the bits since, according to the literature, they “taste very green.”

Since I didn’t want to taste anything green, I did as told.

I put the bits to the ultimate test. About a month ago I had a VERY LONG day ahead of me that included an early-morning run with friends, teaching, meetings and evening code work. They are “Energy Bits” I figured, so I was hoping that instead of turning to a Diet Coke or a Five-Hour Energy boost, I’d try this.

The makers actually suggest using Bits to “jump start” the day to keep hunger and fatigue away. Sold. Let’s do it, I figured.

I downed the recommended 30 bits, which took a good-sized chunk out of my tin. I’ll admit that it took me awhile. I’ve never been good at taking more than one pill at once, so this was a challenge. I had the Bits with orange juice because I was really afraid of tasting the “green.” I never did.

Here’s a look at how Energy Bits got me through a very long day:

SIX-MILE RUN WITH FRIENDS

My 4:45 a.m. wake-up call is always hard. About 10-minutes after taking the Bits, I left the house and headed out to a neighboring community for a run. I was running on tired legs. Ten minutes into my run, I felt different. I was increasing speed. I wasn’t sluggish. In fact, it was one of the best runs I’ve had in a very long time.

At the end, I honestly felt like I could add on another four miles and still feel great … but I didn’t have the time.

MEETING WITH STUDENTS

After running home and getting cleaned up, I rushed to school for a meeting with my editing staff. After an early-morning run, I’d usually need a caffeine pick me up to get me through. But I was really active and energetic as we discussed possible stories for the beginning of the semester. By 11 a.m. I’m usually downing a Diet Coke or searching for something surgery.

I didn’t have one of those “craving” moments.

LUNCH

I’ve readily admitted that I overeat at times. But on this day, after a quick snack in the morning and a large bottle full of water (I’m always hydrating), I didn’t feel the need to scarf down my lunch. In fact, I ate slower because I wasn’t as hungry. Still no cravings for something sweet.

AFTERNOON/EVENING ACTIVITIES

I was probably more awake than I’ve been all semester so far that day. By the time I left campus, after another meeting, I was starting to think I could chalk it up to a good night’s sleep. But it was definitely the Energy Bits. I was still feeling energetic by the time I got home and made dinner. I even slept better at night.

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I’m a big “I’ll believe it when I see it person,” so I can truly say that Energy Bits are for real. Not only was I propelled through my morning run, but also through the rest of my day. The best part is that Energy Bits are all natural, so there was no “crash” at the end of the day. But the bits were also kind to my very cranky stomach.

I took them down in the morning with no issues during the day. My only regret is that I kind of “wasted” them on a day I only had a six-mile run. I would have loved to see how they preformed on a longer run, maybe even a 15-miler. But by the time I tested them out, my stomach issues had already made me decided that I wouldn’t be running a marathon at the end of this month.

Now for the fun part: You can enter for a chance to try Energy Bits.

The folks at Energy Bits are offering a sample of one of my readers so that you, too, can say to your friends: “Oh, don’t mind me over here. I’m just taking some algae!” And then get interested and amazed looks. That’s the truth. My friends thought I was nuts.

Enter below. And earn more entries by liking Energy Bits on Facebook or Twitter. I’m closing the giveaway on Oct. 2, so enter now!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

An infusion of hydration: Oral I.V. review

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I’ve made no secret of my horrible stomach issues over the past two months or so. Nearly everything that goes down doesn’t sit right. My abdomen is a constant source of pain. The good news is that we now know what it is. But I’m not really ready to talk about it quite yet.

Things are all good, no worries. But I’m still planning on potentially switching down to the Half Moon Bay 13.1 instead of 26.2. I figure with everything going on, it would probably be for the best. I’m still going back and forth though.

One of my issues as of late has been that all my hydration and and fueling has been way off. My go-to Gatorade has been causing me lots of issues, so I’ve been trying to drink as little of it as possible. If I have to drink it, I water it down. What used to be a one part water, two parts Gatorade mix is now the opposite.

So when the fine ladies at Fit Approach mentioned a new hydration product, I was interested to try out something new, especially if it meant I wouldn’t be running with horrible stomach issues.

Enter Oral I.V.

Oral I.V. comes in a packet of four pack for about $12. It contains NO “sugars, caffeine or stimulants, additives, preservatives or artificial ingredients,” according the documentation on the company website. Plus, there’s no taste.

A list of other features, per the Oral I.V. website:

  • Natural Ingredients
  • No sugars or stimulants
  • Aids existing methods of hydration
  • Lightweight and portable

My biggest interest in Oral I.V. was the fact that is doesn’t replace hydration, rather it AIDES hydration. So many time new products come out that are meant to replace water, or make it more palpable to drink. The bottom line is that we need water to survive. If you’re a runner, especially, you need to watch hydration because if you’re thirsty, you’re already dehydrated.

I drink a lot of water, but even I’ve had times when I’m not hydrated enough.

A couple weeks ago, we had a bit of a hot spell where I live. I was hydrating, but it didn’t seem like enough. It seemed like the perfect time to try out my Oral I.V. samples thanks to being a Sweat Pink Ambassador for Fit Approach.

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As the small, easy-to-open container says you can ingest Oral I.V. in one of two ways. You can either drink it directly from the small bottle, or you can pour it into 16-ounces of water.

I poured mine into my water bottle before a particularly hot yoga session a couple weeks ago. I don’t do Bikram Yoga, but my studio gets fairly hot when it’s about 90-degrees outside. I started drinking, when I was already feeling a bit parched, and within a couple minutes I was no longer yearning for water. I kept drinking anyway, because hydration during exercise is important, and I felt amazing afterward.

In fact, I didn’t feel at all dehydrated for the rest of the evening.

I also tried Oral I.V. out on a long run a couple weeks ago. Because of my ongoing stomach issues, I didn’t put it in at the beginning of the run. I was really worried that something new would cause me gastrointestinal issues.

Instead I waited until I was about six miles into the run. It was starting to get warm. I was sweating more. It was definitely time to get more water.

I decided to try Oral I.V. straight from the small container. I had it tucked away in my running belt. It was small enough that it fit easily with the couple dollars I carry during my run.

I sat down on a seat along my running path and shot it down.

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I’ve noticed people saying that there’s a taste to Oral I.V., but I can’t discern one. In fact, it just tasted like water to me.

I waited a couple minutes and enjoyed the view. Then I picked it up again. I started feeling the impact almost immediately. I was no longer yearning for water as much. By mile eight in my run, I’m usually sipping Gatorade every couple minutes. Not this time.

I finished a 10-mile run without any problems and even felt great afterward. My legs felt like they could go on forever.

I’ll admit, I was a little skeptical of a product that essentially “enhances” hydration. I figured I would just drink more water. Oral I.V. is not a replacement for a fueling product, but when considering the effects of it on hydration, I want to argue that it kind of it. I run better when I am properly hydrated. With Oral I.V. I was properly hydrated, so to me it boosted my performance as well as keeping me hydrated.

The best part is that it didn’t hurt my very sensitive stomach. I didn’t have any issues in my yoga class, after ingesting it in water, or after downing it straight from the bottle.

Does it sound like something you want to try? Right now Oral I.V. is offering a discount of 10-percent off of any purchase on the Oral I.V. website. Just enter the code FITNESS when you purchase.

Disclaimer: I was provided with two packages of Oral I.V. for review thanks to my affiliation as a Sweat Pink Ambassador, but was not monetarily compensated for this review. The views in this blog post are all my own.

 

A good run

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Today I did something that I don’t normally do while out on a run: I ignored the time. My two running buddies and I set out for a 10-mile run with no given pace. In fact, we set out going purposely slow so that we would make it through the 10.

We stopped when we needed to, whether it be for bathroom breaks or Gatorade refills. We were in no rush.

My stomach didn’t hurt. I had no nagging pain. I paced myself. I watched my heart rate.

We finished, 20-minutes faster that our fastest 10-mile time together, but a finish nonetheless. We talked the entire time. And we had fun.

I started thinking that maybe THAT’S what has been missing from my runs lately. The stress and anxiety plaguing my runs has meant that I stopped having fun while I was running. Today I had fun.

Perhaps it was the good company. Or the overcast weather.

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A missing sun is a very welcome thing for a runner after multiple weeks of hot days, especially a runner who has been dealing with overheating issues and a wonky stomach.

Today was a good day for a good run.

A hard-fought diet battle

Over the past four weeks my stomach has waged a relentless war against me. Everything I eat has made me sick. Every run I went on suffered from it. Every training decision I made was marred by the fact that I couldn’t fuel properly.

And now, as the problems seem to be receding, I’m having to make some difficult decisions about the marathon I’m supposed to be running in less than a month. The likelihood is that now I can’t. I won’t be able to get in my long runs. I don’t have enough energy to do so with a very limited diet either.

I’m losing the war.

When my gallbladder was removed in emergency surgery, I was told, repeatedly, that my diet had to change. I HAD to cut out certain foods and drinks. There was no way around it.

But over a seven-month period, my bad habits creeped back into what was once a very clean diet.

Those bad habits include an very dependent relationship on Diet Coke. And a love of the occasional cupcake. Then there’s a horrible habit of overeating.

Over summer, when I was working from home more, my diet became worse and worse. I was still running 100 miles a month, but I was also eating a lot of burrito bowls. Then I was drinking a lot of diet soda.

In July, I realized that I had packed on some pounds. My time for the Summer Breeze Half Marathon wasn’t bad at 2:19, but I was tired the entire run. It was definitely not my 2:16 half time from June. I was sluggish. But I also just wanted to stop running again, half way through 13.1 and give up.

By mid-August, I was having digestion issues that were causing to me call and cancel my runs with Sam and Jennie. The two had started running early in the morning three days a week. I could, maybe, get my stomach under control one day of the three to run with them.

My diet was all out of sorts.

I reverted to treadmill running where I had control over my situation a little better. By situation I meant that if I had to go to the bathroom immediately, I would be able to quickly. I know that’s TMI, but quick trips to the bathroom have become commonplace.

So two weeks ago, I did something drastic: I severely cut my diet. I removed nearly everything that was making me sick, or that I thought was, and added everything back one by one, slowly.

It meant that for about four days, all I ate was toast with an almond-butter spread from A Loving Spoon.

Seriously, two slices of wheat toast with a little almond butter (which is made locally in Mountain House with all-natural ingredients), was the only thing I could stomach for about three days.

In a week, I lost four pounds.

This past week, I started adding fruits (which were really, really hard on my stomach) back in moderation. Bananas first. Then apples. No peaches yet. My one experience with pineapples this week left me feeling a little queasy, so I won’t be trying that again for another couple weeks.

I’ve had chicken, but red-meat hasn’t been good to me either.

I’m also eating significantly less, cutting my portions by more than half.

So far, my stomach has felt A LOT better. I haven’t had as many issues with rushed bathroom trips (this is a good thing since school started back up and half of the women’s rooms in my building have been torn down). Yesterday, I finally got through a six-mile run without trouble.

It took two weeks. I know my stomach is nowhere near “healed.” I know I did a lot of damage to it with a summer of eating bad stuff.

And these weeks where it hurt more to run than it should have mean that I’m likely going to switch to the half marathon at for the Half Moon Bay International Marathon. I know I could probably slog (slow+jog) through 26.2 miles, but I’m starting to feel like it may not be worth it.

What would my motivation be if I knew I wouldn’t be at my top performing shape? Just to finish another one? To tell people I ran a marathon that weekend? It just doesn’t seem worth it.

Plus, I have two more half marathons the following weekends that I want to run. I don’t want to injure myself on Sept. 29 and NOT be able to run the other races, particularly the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose Half Marathon, which will be my “Grand Slam” Heavy Medal finish (and my last for this year).

Perspective is telling me there will be more marathons. Experience is telling me I’m not ready for this one.

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All I know is I’m tired of looking like I did above, struggling, at the end of a race.

So instead of gunning for a PR in the full at Half Moon Bay, I’m going to work on getting through my next couple races while trying to work through these ongoing stomach issues. I feel like it’s going to be a hard-fought battle … which I’m hopefully now getting the upper hand in.

Bowing out before the run

This is as far as my tutu and running gear got on Saturday. It’s where it all continues to sit today. Needless to say, if my tutu, race belt and water bottle didn’t make it out the door, neither did I.

Instead, I went back to sleep after realizing, nearly at the last minute when my friend was on the way to pick me up, that I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go run on Saturday. I didn’t want to. The thought of doing so paralyzed me with fear.

Thanks anxiety. I appreciate it.

Or not. I actually hate your face. If you had a face, I mean. Than I’d hate it.

I won’t get started on “how it all went down” rather I’ll say this: It’s been about three months since my last panic attack. This one was minor in severity to the first one (otherwise known as the “big one” or “the incident”) last October. It wasn’t as quick as the one three months ago either.

Suffice it to say, my morning wasn’t fun. I woke up with a huge knot in my stomach that just wouldn’t go away. And it didn’t until I fell back asleep after my husband handed me some tissue and sent out the obligatory “Tara isn’t coming” text message.

Life. Sucks. Sometimes.

The good news is that people tell me it gets better. The better news is that this is the first time in three months I’ve even had something like this happen. That’s a win. Even if I didn’t feel that way yesterday, it truly is.

Saturday marked the first day anxiety has broken into my running in such a way. My last race was the San Francisco Marathon. And while I had moments of “why am I doing this?” and “I cannot do this today” I made it to the start line. To the midway point. And to the finish.

It was easy to diagnose the “trigger” for Saturday, which had nothing to do with running at all. I know it had nothing to go with running because I was able to hop on the treadmill later in the evening and run eight miles, no problem.

But I was smart to know my limit, to not push myself when uncomfortable. My husband kept trying to persuade me, to push me out the door with my friends, to tell me everything would be OK. I think deep down, though, he knew it was a lost battle from the moment I started to breathe heavy. He did what he could.

And I did what I knew had to be done: I laid myself back down. I bowed out before the run.

I knew the damaged I would do if I kept going. I knew what would happen if I got out the door and on the road, or even to the race. I knew it would be all bad. I knew once I lost my composure, I wouldn’t be able to get it back.

Part of learning to live with anxiety, and specifically without anxiety medication, is that I have to be the one to pull back for myself. I have to set my limits. I did that on Saturday, which meant there was no 5K. I want to be disappointed about missing what looked like a good time, but I’ve run too many races lately (and many since October) to know that I never felt this way before one.

Something was different. Something was wrong.

I listened to that gut instinct which I didn’t listen to last October, which led to that “more damage” down the road. Because my hope is that if it’s been three months since my last panic attack this time, it will be six months in between the next … or maybe they’ll stop all together.

I can cross my fingers and hope. But I can also recognize the signs early enough to stop it from happening all together, lean back, relax, breathe deep and remove myself from a situation, temporarily, before it gets too bad. Even if it means giving up a fun run.