Category: The Long Run

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Finding my stride and consistency

I’ve written a lot about my lack of consistency lately. I start a run and then trail off. I get weaker as I go through. I can’t maintain a solid pace. My mile numbers are all over the place.

I’m struggling as a runner. I know it. I have a lot of reasons for it. Two jobs don’t help. Lack of a good night’s sleep isn’t either. I’m stressed. It’s impacting my running on every level.

I had no business running the Pasadena Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon last month. None. At. All.

Since the Pasadena fiasco, I’ve tried to gain a little more perspective on my running. I’ve limited my caloric intake too. I’ve made some changes. It’s not a complete answer, but so far I think I’m making progress.

So my goal for the Oakland Half Marathon today was to strive for consistency.

I needed that.

And I wanted to do better than last year. (Even though it’s a new course.)

I’m proud to say I accomplished both.

The Oakland Half Marathon starts at 9:15 a.m. which is a little late in the running world. But it meant we could wake up at a decent hour and head to the new start location, Snow Park, which had a fairly good turnout of people.

I scoped out the finish line.

Not much to see there. The 5K, which until this year was held on Saturday night, happened before the start of the half marathon.

The portable toilet stock was pretty good too for a race with 4,000 people. I’m not kidding, there was a whole stock of portable toilets. I’m kind of sad I didn’t get a photo of it. There were also some location on a side street which was just as nice, especially when we found people were using the other ones more. A morning positive! No bathroom lines!

We also wandered around a little bit. The merchandise tent looked better at the expo. People were buying stuff. I did all that the day before at the expo.

We stopped at the bathrooms. And then we heard the announcement telling the half marathon runners to line up. I made my way into the 11 minute corral. I set my Garmin for an 11:30 average pace. It beeps when I’m not meeting that. And, I’m happy to say, for the first time ever, I met that pace overall for the race.

We crossed the starting mats after three minutes.

And…then we began.

I struggled for the first four miles. I think it was combination of fatigue (this has been a rough week at work) and hunger. I had eaten so long before that I was a little hungry at the start.

Mile 3 was a real struggle. That’s when I decided enough was enough. I needed a Gu. So I downed a Vanilla Bean one. That’s what propelled me through mile 4. You can see my struggle at the end. I let what I had going slip a little bit, otherwise I probably would have finished at 2:30.

My husband, though, was standing waiting for me at around mile 13.

“Two and a half?” he yelled.

I nodded back. He knows my average time on these things. And he knew, then, that this was a better run for me.

I knew too.

Why was it a better run? I listened to my body. When my heart started pounding, I slowed down. When I needed to walk, I walked. Then I picked up the pace and ran my heart out. I ran my heart out the entire race.

When I wanted to stop. I kept going. I just kept at it.

I finished with an official time of 2:32:27. My third best half marathon to date. Better than the 2:35:36 of last year too.

And I looked better than after my finish last year as well.

I did sit down. Because I was tired and, as you can see, red in the face. I have a slight sunburn. The move from Frank Ogawa Plaza in downtown Oakland to Snow Park was a good one. There was more space. It was closer to a nice view of Lake Merritt. People got to lounge around.

Yes, I take pictures of random people lounging around because I refuse to pull out my camera and take photos while I’m running. I’m not that kind of blogger.

It was Sam’s first time running the Oakland Half. I think this may become her race too. It’s already mine. It’s the only one I knew last year I was 100 percent sure I’d come back to. I hella love Oakland. And this half marathon. And maybe someday, I’ll run the full, giant hill and all.

That said, the last .1 mile of this half was all uphill. That burned. I was so tired at the end.

But I did it. I found my stride. I kept hitting it. I stayed consistent. I slowed when I needed to. And I kept going.

Last year, I had beer tickets at the end I didn’t use. This year, the Barefoot Wine booth was mixing up mimosas. It was close to noon, but yes, I wanted a mimosa in a small cup.

I got Thomas one too. I had two tickets after all.

Then we ventured back to Livermore, after a really urgent bathroom stop at a shady bathroom off the freeway in Oakland. We ate and drank at First Street Alehouse. Finally it was back home. Into the bath tub and then into bed. I was tired. My alarm went off at 5:20 a.m. I decided not to try to go back to sleep.

That was my day. All 13.1 miles of it.

Check out my second expo shirt. I decided on a whim to buy it. I love it because it looks a little more hardcore than my other two shirts. It also was one of the only dark gray shirts at the expo.

Plus, this is on the backside.

That’s exactly what I did today. Am I happy? Yes. Today was a good day. My run was a solid one. I’m proud of what I accomplished out there.

Can I do better? Always.

I’m going to keep working on it. As always.

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Exciting news

Last year, I ran the 10K for the Brazen Dirty Dozen and Half Dozen.

This year, I’ve decided to do the six-hour endurance race at Point Pinole.

I’m probably crazy. It’s only a month after the marathon. But it will officially be my “back” point, I’m hoping.

A 3.1-mile loop around the recreational area. One foot at a time. One foot at a time.

This should be fun.

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A (half) marathon trip

We left at 9:30 a.m. Saturday morning. We ran at 7:30 a.m. Sunday. We hit the road for home at 1 p.m. after the race.

It was a whirlwind trip from Tracy to Pasadena and back.

I finished the half marathon, an inaugural Rock ‘n’ Roll event, in 2:48:19.

It was definitely not a day for me to be racing. I was tired. Too much work in the past week, mixed in with a long drive and only about four hours of sleep because of noisy hotel neighbors made for a fairly lame race.

I was tired.

I’m planning a full recap tomorrow, since it’s a holiday and I have some time. But despite the fact that it wasn’t my best race ever, I had a good time away from home for a night.

I’m so tired now. So very tired.

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Back to (somewhat) normal

I have to admit, after the California International Marathon I wondered if I’d ever have the desire to run again. I spent a lot of time on my couch, in the pool and getting steady on my bicycle.

And I ate. A lot. Lots of Chinese food. Specifically sweet and sour chicken. So good.

Immediately after the marathon, my treadmill decided to fail. I had to wait a week to get it fixed. Then I hopped back on and didn’t want to run.

My first run outside in a nearly two-week period was a four-miler with Thomas following on my bike.

I like to keep my “typical” runs between six and eight miles. My long runs while training for a half marathon are 10. I worked up to the long 20-miler when training for the marathon. My goal, typically, is to run about 25-miles a week. But I struggled through the month of December.

I didn’t want to run. I didn’t make it to 1,000 miles for the entire year. I contemplated why I even bothered booking more races into 2012.

This week I’ve seem to have found my mojo again. So far, 24 miles. I’m planning a trail run tomorrow with Jennie. Even if that doesn’t happen, I’ll probably at least get in six on the treadmill, maybe eight. Either way, I found my stride, in the bigger picture again.

And I’ve developed my training plan for the San Diego Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon on June 3. I’ve even factored in some longer races to keep me motivated.

My first official race of the year with be the Brazen Racing Coyote Hills 10K on Jan. 29.

I signed up for the race via snail mail because I had a Brazen credit because of an injury in August where I couldn’t run the company’s Summer Breeze race. So I signed up for this race (and even got a tech shirt upgrade!) for $26. I loved this race last year, despite the fact that it’s the only race so far where I’ve thrown up at the end. Sorry, probably TMI. I ran myself silly with that one. It was a solid race. I had a good time in general.

It was a nice, intimate setting too. So I’m stoked for it.

The rest of my race schedule so far:

Feb. 18: Rock ‘n’ Roll Pasadena Inaugural Half Marathon

March 25: Oakland Half Marathon (This holds a special place in my heart because it was my first. It will be my ninth overall.)

April 29: Big Sur 21-miler (I loved the half so much, I’m trying this one. Plus it’s a great addition for marathon training.)

May 12: Mermaid Series East Bay Sirena 18

June 3: Rock ‘n’ Roll San Diego Marathon

July 29: San Francisco Marathon First Half Marathon (To complete the Half it All Challenge.)

And then…who knows. Last year I hit an injury in August from upping my mileage too much that basically took me out of racing for August and September. I didn’t race again until my half marathon PR at the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Jose Half Marathon.

I’m glad to be back to a somewhat normal running routine. I’m glad to have some of my race schedule figured out so far. I’m still hoping to knock off some pounds with increased training. And I still want to increase my speed. I have so many goals for 2012.

We’ll see what happens.

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Mind over marathon: Part III

I crossed the starting mat about two minutes after the gun went off. I was surprised it went that fast actually. And the flow was good. It wasn’t too fast, because I wasn’t in he front or anywhere near. I was making good time. Or I thought so at the time. It turns out I as going out way too fast.

Mile 1: 10:30 — A gentle downhill, through an intersection. It’s deserted, but nice.

Mile 2:10:36 — The path started going uphill a little, but not bad. Still moving along fine.

Mile 3: 10:30 — The gentle downhills seems OK about right here, but I’m starting to feel the burn in my thighs. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m just starting to warm up.

Mile 4: 10:58

Mile 5: 10:54 — Hitting some small hills here.  I slow to take a Vanilla Bean Gu.

Mile 6: 10:49

Mile 7: 11:50 — Here’s where the nerves start getting me. I can’t tell if it’s because I did the Gu too quickly or because my stomach is still in knots. But I start to slow a little over the next couple miles. I feel fatigue. I realize feeling tired with 19 miles to go is not good.

Mile 8: 11:46 — Trying to pick up the pace a little, still feeling queasy.

Mile 9: 12:19 – An uphill here. We were heading into Fair Oaks at about this time. It was a cute little area that turned into more up and downhills. People kept saying “Don’t worry, it’s all downhill.” No. I knew there was a difference between “downhill” and “net downhill.” California International Marathon was a “net downhill” race.

Mile 10: 11:28 — The quad burning continues. This was about the point I noticed the 4:55 marathon group was passing me. I decided I, perhaps, needed to slow down. Why? I was thinking I’d finish this around 5:30 in time at some point. I knew, only at that point, I’d gone out to past and not consistent enough.

Mile 11: 13:06 — I hit my half marathon wall here. This is usually when I pick it up, but I was feeling a little tired again. I was slowing. I did another Gu, despite the fact that I was feeling queasy after the first one.

Mile 12: 12:07 — Speeding up a little. There were a lot of people cheering me along here. I started to get motivated more.

Mile 13: 12:45

HALF MARATHON: 2:31:53 (This would be my third best half marathon ever if I was running a half marathon.)

Mile 14: 12:58 — At this point I hit my real metaphorical wall. I can’t describe it outside of panic and insecurity. My feet started to hurt. I slowed a little again. But I kept pushing. I was trying to not get below the 13:45 average that would mean I didn’t finish in six hours. I was really worried about that time limit.

Mile 15: 14:23 — It didn’t help that I decided at this point that I needed to go to the bathroom. I only did so because there were six portable toilets lined up and only four people standing in line. In between the water stop and another Gu, the pack of people I was running with passed me.

Mile 16: 11:18 — I had to pick it up again.

Mile 17: 11:40 — Still moving.

Mile 18: 11:53 — My last good mile. I say that will a lot of pride, but there’s a reason why that was the last good mile. My IT band, which had plagued me greatly when I moved from 5Ks to 10Ks. All of the sudden I was feeling it.

Mile 19: 13:09 — I slowed and walked to try to get back the leg a little. I spent the next few miles using that method. Run, walk, run. When I ran, I was averaging 11-12 minute miles.

Mile 20: 12:52 — “The wall” literally. We ran through an area that was marked by a fake wall. I looked happy, but the smile was masking my pain.

Mile 21: 12:54 — I thought of this mile as a plane descending into the destination point. This was the point where we buckle our safety belts and put the tray table  in an upright position. This was also the point my feet started killing me. My IT band wasn’t behaving either.

Mile 22: 13:47 — Run/walk continues.

Mile 23: 13:20 — And more.

Mile 24: 13:07 — This was actually a very frustrating time for me. People were cheering me on from the sidelines. One guy kept yelling “if it was easy, everyone would do it!” I liked that. But it wasn’t enough to pull me out of my funk.

Mile 25: 13:18 — Still moving, but getting more excited. Someone asked me when I knew I’d finish. I didn’t for a long time. When the IT band started throbbing and I knew my feet were blistering, I didn’t think I’d make it. I had four moments where I wanted to stop, cry and call Thomas to come get me. “I don’t need to finish this,” I thought. “I have nothing to prove. I knew, as I started to make my way toward the 26-mile sign, that I’d make it. It took me that long.

Mile 26: 12:46 — And then I really knew. Thomas ran across my path. I felt a huge smile stretching across my face. I had made it.

Mile .2: 3:35 — Here I pushed. I saw the clock reading 5:22:13. I could make it before the clock turned to 5:23, I thought. I picked it up.

Gun time: 5:22:39.

Chip time: 5:20:41

I wish it was like Ironman and someone said “Tara, you ARE a marathoner.” No one did. I was handed my medal and my space blanket, which I really needed at that point if just because I wanted some comfort. I saw Thomas, kissed him and handed him my water bottle (it always gets in my way at the end even though I love it).

Then I teared up a little. I had a moment. I had done it. Less than two years after I set out on my treadmill and started running. I had run a marathon.

I was surprised at how good I felt. My feet hurt, yes. My leg was killing me. And my shins were throbbing. But I felt good.

So good I even opted to get my photo taken at the end. I NEVER do this. I always say “it’s a waste of money.” But I felt compelled to do so. You only run your first marathon once.

I found Thomas and immediately walked over to the merchandise booth and he bought me an awesome shirt that said “26.2 finisher.” I can’t wait to wear it when I run. (I haven’t done any running this week to give my legs a well-deserved rest. I’ve also been eating a ton of food,which I feel bad about, but I also deserve it.)

I didn’t find any of the requisite food that I was told was popular. The food vans were closing down as well. (That was really discouraging, especially when I finished with 40 minutes left for the finish line to be open AND it actually stayed open longer.)

We opted to head to Red Lobster on Howe Avenue after we found the car.

And then we headed home.

I was exhaustion and in pain for about two days. Not a bad pain. A good pain.

And, four days later, I’m still in awe that I did it. I ran a marathon.

Every insecurity that I’ve ever had about my work as a journalist, as an editor, as a instructor and as a person diminished during those 26.2 miles. They say it changes you. I think it makes a person stronger. You have to get mentally past barriers. You have to keep going when you want to quit. And you have to believe you can do it when you’re body is failing under you.

I ran a marathon. And for it, and all those things mentioned before, I’m 100-times better for it then I was the day before.

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Mind over marathon: Part II

Another warning: This post may now be more than two parts. I think the whole “race” will be its on separate post.

My alarm for race morning was set for 5 a.m. I woke up at 4:55 a.m.

The lights outside were bright. It wasn’t daylight. Not even close. But the La Quinta in Rancho Cordova was in a well-lit area. So the lights shined through the window. I kind of hopped out of bed. I don’t know why.

Part of me was excited. Part of me was still worried.

These are the moments were the doubt really gets you.

“I’m not ready,” I thought. No way.

“I can’t do this,” was another.

I put my clothes on, somewhat methodically. I woke Thomas up, though he dwelled in the bed for about 30 minutes before really getting out of bed. I looked outside and it didn’t look cold. I knew, though, that would be deceiving. It was near freezing.

I had asked Thomas to get me a banana the night before. And a blue Gatorade. I don’t know what flavor blue is, I think it’s Glacier Freeze or something, but I like it. Thomas forgot the banana. I had a Peppermint Luna bar in my gym bag, though. My stomach was turning knots, but I knew after my Big Sur Half Marathon no-food beforehand debacle that I had to eat.

I tweeted my nervousness at close to 6 a.m.

Jennie sent me a text message saying she was ready. I told her to come on down to the room. She was there for a good 10 minutes before we packed up and left.

The moment we stepped out the door, it was cold. It wasn’t windy, despite the fact it had been for days. I felt the sting of the cold on the few parts of my skin that were exposed. I was wearing my Zensah compression sleeves with my capris. I had my new gloves on too.

The drive wasn’t that long. Not even a week later and I don’t remember much of it. Thomas made quick work of it, though. I’ve learned one thing about my husband in the past year of racing: He’s very good at getting me to the start and showing up at the finish.

But he didn’t get us close, exactly. We saw people walking toward what we thought was a start area.

Turns out it wasn’t.

It was the place where the buses from Sacramento were dropping people off. Another set of school buses were taking people up to the actual start line.

Suddenly Jennie and I were in a line.

“Where are we going,” I asked.

“TO THE START,” responded an overly enthusiastic volunteer.

And we were put on a bus. Jennie and I both had “we didn’t pay for this bus” moments. “I think we just hijacked a bus ride,” I said to her.

No matter. The bus was warm. At least for the 5 minutes or so it took us to get to the start.

There were two huge arches to mark the start. It looked a little something like this:

The photo above is from the California International Marathon website. I’m not trying to steal it or anything, but I didn’t do a lot of shooting photos in the morning. I knew it would come back and haunt me later.

The start line was actually very nice. I was way in the back. Further behind me was a gigantic line of portable toilets.

The California International Marathon Facebook page include a photo of  it earlier in the week. This is that photo, cropped:

OK, enough stealing photos. That’s what it looked like. Jennie and I got in a line. It wasn’t too far back, but not close up either.

It was about 6:32 a.m. We literally waited in line until the 7 a.m. start.

In fact, there wasn’t much standing around at all. The start was quick. All the literature says the start line closes exactly five-minutes after the gun goes off.

I started my Garmin fairly quickly. I only had 10 seconds of time off between my chip time and the Garmin at the end.

I started near the back. I worked my way forward. And I took off.

The first part of the course is downhill. I got into a nice stride. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Keep moving.

And, as everyone had predicted, my nervousness all started to fall away.

Little did I know, this run would test my mind and body in ways I’d never been tested before.

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On the edge of the Western World: Part II

And back to the race report: I started out strong enough in Monterey. I was averaging under 11-minute miles the first two miles. Then things literally went downhill. And uphill. And downhill.

Lots of back and forth on this run. The “flat” course turned out to have lots of rolling hills. It’s not that I didn’t train for rolling hills. I’ve been doing some hill work to prepare for the California International Marathon. But I wasn’t expecting it.

And so, my own ups and down began.

Mile 1: 10:48  — Started out strong, moving along kind of moving my way through the crowd. Felt good.

Mile 2: 10:51 — Still feeling good, think I’m finding my race pace for the day.

Mile 3:  11:20 — The first significant downhill, which marked the first significant uphill. I slowed down quite a bit. Starting to get a little warm.

Mile 4: 12 — Getting really warm. I slide down my Zensah arm warmers. Take a couple sips from my waterbottle. Suddenly feel as if I’m getting a little tired. The one significant uphill is here.

That’s a photo of me starting to head up the fairly significant hill. By midway through, I was walking. It was a sight to see, going into beautiful Pacific Grove. I passed by a movie theater where Thomas and I went on our first vacation together when we went to Morro Bay and Monterey for a week.

It was a quick uphill and slower downhill after that.

Mile 5: 11:06 — Going strong, but feeling as if I’m not going to make it through 13.1 miles. My legs feel like jello. I don’t know why, but suddenly I was more winded than I wanted to be.

Mile 6: 12:04 — Jello legs definitely slowing me down. I’m usually in a grove at this point. It’s not happening today. I feel it. But I continue to push.

Mile 7: 13:02 — My wall. And I hit it hard. I usually get into the later miles before I get winded, tired and feel as if I can’t go on. I’m barely keeping it together. I’m getting tired. I walk. I start to run. Then I walk more. I keep repeating that pattern.

Mile 8: 12:23 — Trying to pick it back up before and after the turnaround back to the finish area. I suddenly see Jamie. We stop to hug. That lifts my spirits tremendously. It was so nice to see a familiar face and hear a friendly voice. Jamie said something encouraging to me and it lifted me. I picked it up a little bit.

Mile 9: 12:09 — Still on a high from seeing Jamie, I kept pushing. I wasn’t moving as fast as I wanted to, but I was moving. One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other.

That is what a happy runner looks like. At this point, though, my feet were feeling the pain. My shoes kept moving back and forth. I wasn’t doing too well this race, especially considering my PR in San Jose in October. This was not my race.

Mile 10: 12:11 — Slow, but moving. Thinking about my mom seeing me at the finish line. This was the first time she accompanied me to a race. I was super stoked she’d be able to see me finish. I kept thinking about that.

Mile 11: 12:21 — This was one of my favorite miles, if only because we moved to the trails and we would soon be seeing Monterey again. A giant penguin jumped out near Monterey Bay Aquarium. I also knew Cannery Row would be coming up, which meant this race was almost over. I was starting to feel a little better.

Mile 12: 12:24 — Cannery Row! I loved the mile marker showing John Steinbeck.

The official photographer captured a great shot of me right before it starting raining pretty good. I almost look as if I’m not running, more so because my arms aren’t moving. I can’t remember what I was doing specifically right here. I have a feeling I was slowing down to put my visor, that I purchased at the expo from the awesome Asics booth, on because of the rain.

Mile 13: 12:04 — At this point my Garmin was covered because of the rain. I didn’t want it to get too wet, especially since it was new. I kept pushing, despite another hill.

Mile .3: 3 — Again, I suck at running the tangents. This course was supposed to measure 13.1. Oh well. My mom yelled my name right after I crossed the finish line. Then I got lost in a sea of other runs.

I was handed an awesome medal.

The sea lion on it reminded me of my dog Beau. I wanted to wear it the whole day. But after I grabbed my heat sheet and some food (the first of the day, which may explain my general fatigue), it started pouring. My mom drove us back to the hotel, which was awesome, and I quickly jumped in the shower.

It was the first half marathon I’ve run that I’ve been able to quick jump in the shower.

We sat down for about an hour and I tried to rest my feet.

Then we ventured to Monterey Bay Aquarium. My mom hadn’t been there since I was a child. The last time I went was in 2002 with Thomas.

We spent nearly five hours there AFTER I ran a half marathon. My mom said her feet hurt at the end and that she could only imagine what I felt like.

The deep sea area was one of my favorites. That’s where the seahorses where. And the larger fish. There was a lot to see. We stayed and watched the tank for awhile.

This gigantic whale sits above the main hall where the bathrooms and gift shops are. It was awesome from below, but from the top it looks as if it is staring right at you.

The birds were great too, but there were a ton of people checking them out. They had these crazy revolving doors too that made it hard to get through without hurting someone.

This was a type of leaf sea dragon. There were a lot of cool seahorses in the exhibit. That was one of the last things we saw at the aquarium. Overall it wasn’t too crowded, which was nice. It could be because it was a Sunday.

I visited the gift shop and bought a Puffin to take home with me. He’s now sitting on my television stand. The Puffins were one of the coolest exhibits. The Puffins reminded me of my ducks.

My mom and I got back to the hotel around 5 p.m. and rested until we went to dinner. We had a spectacular dinner at the hotel’s restaurant. We turned in early after watching some television. I woke up at 6 a.m. because I went to bed so early.

My mom and I ventured to breakfast where we had a great view of the golf course on the property.

And the food wasn’t bad to look at either.

We packed up and started toward home after breakfast.

I want to call the trip and the run a success for various reasons. It was the first time I ran away from home. The next time will be for the California International Marathon in less than two weeks. It went OK, but I learned I need to be prepared and get going quickly in the morning. It was also a nice weekend with my mom. We had a good time.

But the run was hard. That’s OK. I heard someone once say that the bad runs make the good ones all that much better.

That’s the truth.

I’d like to make this an annual thing, particularly the going away with my mom for the weekend part. The Big Sur Half Marathon on Monterey Bay offered a good escape from reality for a couple days too.

 

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A twenty-mile journey

Sometimes when you start running, you don’t exactly know how far you can go, you just hope to get where you need to be. That happens to me a lot. I hop on the treadmill or turn onto my street for a run with no number in mind. Instead, I just put one foot in front of another.

I just keep going.

And going.

I, hopefully, eventually, reach my goal.

Some days, with everything going on in my life, I don’t see the finish line anywhere in site. I’m swamped with work. I have way too many extracurricular-type activities. I’m always on the run, literally.

I have days where I feel exactly like  I look in this photo:

Tired. Confused. Defeated.

And then I have days like today.

Today, I feel on top of the world.

My alarm clock was set at 5:45 a.m. I only hit snooze once. I rolled out of bed, put on my running clothes and was out the door by 6:15 a.m. I had packed the reusable bag I got at the Nike Women’s Half Marathon with about 10 different things.

I called it my “no excuse” bag.

It had Larabars, M&Ms, Body Glide, Zensah Compression shin sleeves, a charger for my Garmin and a couple other things. I filled my two 20-ounce Amphipod waterbottles with a Gatorade/water mix.

I also filled a 32-ounce water bottle (also from the Nike Women’s Half Marathon) with Gatorade for Jennie and I. I figured this would take away all our excuses for wanting to stop.

It actually did.

I met Jennie in the Central Community Park in Mountain House. It was pitch black.

We calmed our nerves a little, but the task at hand was a huge one: One 20-mile run.

No giving up. No turning back.

We started running. About a mile in we stopped at a portable toilet in the newest of the subdivisions in Mountain House. We saw a coyote. We kept moving. And moving.

Two miles. Three miles. Four. Five. Seven. Eight. Nine.

We kept counting down, talking about 100 different things. It’s amazing what you can learn about someone when running. I love Jennie. She’s one of the most honest, nonjudgmental people I know. She’s an awesome mother. And she’s determined as all hell. I’m glad she was with me all 20 miles today.

We laughed. We nearly broke down a couple times. We walked a slightly long duration toward the end (I think about 1/2 mile at one point). But we kept going. We kept putting one foot in front of the other.

And, soon, after more than four hours moving, we were done.

“I look like someone ran over my face,” after looking at this photo again.

But we did it. And thank God for Jennie. When I started to get tired, she propelled me. When she started to get tired, I encouraged her. And we stayed next to each other or close the entire time (until my Garmin battery started dying and I had to step it up to get the 20-mile Garmin reading).

And then, we were done.

We celebrated by running over to the one and only market in Mountain House and getting Slush Puppies (Jennie’s treat, which was awesome after a run that long).

My husband said, all you have to do is write: “It sucked.” But it didn’t suck. In fact, it was the total opposite of “sucking.”

I felt amazing after. I felt renewed. I felt alive.

I tweeted this not too soon after:

In high school, one of my favorite bands was Fuel. The band has one specific song, “Sunburn,” that I love tremendously because of a specific set of lines within it.

“You were gone, you were no there for me, and I cursed the sky and begged the sun to fall all over me. This life’s not living, living ain’t free. And if I can’t find my way back to me, let the sun fall down over me,” the chorus repeats.

The highlighted part is my favorite. A friend once asked me why, the real reason, I run. First it was about diabetes. Then it was about getting in better shape. Now, it’s about finding myself.

Today, I did. Between miles 16-20 I found a part of me that I’d left behind for some time. I found the will to continue to despite difficultly. I found a way to keep going even though I was tired. I found my will again.

Sometimes it’s not about the time. Sometimes it’s about the distance. And sometimes, it’s about the journey that gets you from the first mile to the last. There is a part of you that changes when you put on step in front of another. There’s an even bigger part that changes when you realize, after all, you can do it.

My twenty-mile journey, today, wasn’t just a training run. It was about finding my way back to me.

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Good sign for the weekend

I’m hoping to do my longest run this weekend. I have  friend, who is also signed up to run the California International Marathon, ready to run with me. I know I can get through the first 10. It’s the second 10 that worries me.

I ran 8 this morning and was tired.

I’m a little scared.

Then I opened this today after I ate my lunch.

This means it will be okay, right?

I sure hope so.