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Posts tagged ‘love’

What I wish someone would have told me then


Today I had a student come in and tell me she had to drop my class. It was heartbreaking. This wasn’t her first semester on the newspaper staff. I was sad to see her go, but understood her reasons. We talked about life and responsibility.

Today, I told her it was OK to fall apart. Today, I told her it didn’t matter what other people thought.

Today, I believed it.

“Fall apart. Just do it. It’s fine. Don’t feel bad about it, if you have to do it, just do it,” I said to her. “I learned more in the time I spent putting myself back together than I ever did holding it all together.”

Today, my words rang true.

Today, after that, I knew the decisions I’ve made didn’t break me. I knew the mantra “tough times don’t last, tough people do” was true. I knew that everything that happened was supposed to, from gallbladder surgeries to falling down on my run last week.

Because I’m happy. I’m surrounded by amazing people. I’m doing awesome work for someone I respect greatly. All because I finally walked away from something that was tearing me apart from the inside out.

Today, though, I wish someone would have told me it was OK to fall apart six months ago.

And so today, I came home and went for a run, bad little T-Rex style arm and all. And despite only getting four miles, today it felt amazing.

Meet me Monday: Keep it all in perspective

I’m allowed to diverge from running every once in awhile on this blog. After all, it’s kind of about all aspects of my life, but mainly focusing on running.

Yesterday, after a morning five-mile run and a long blog post about staying warm and keeping safe, I ditched my Nike Equalons and running capris and put on a satin blue dress, nylons and patent black leather shoes. I put in contacts and did my makeup. All of these thing are incredibly rare for me.

I “got pretty” because my husband and I were heading to San Francisco for a three-hour dinner/dance cruise aboard the Hornblower California. I had booked the cruise as a Christmas present for Thomas. It was to celebrate our 10-year anniversary of being together.

We have a different wedding anniversary. But we’ve continued to celebrate our “other” anniversary for the past four times it’s come up. I consider it our real “anniversary.”

It was an amazing night. We arrived to spectacular views of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge.

We boarded and were seated at our private table. I’d upgraded us to a “celebration package” with a bottle of champagne, two beautiful blue commemorative champagne flutes and a couple boxes of truffles.

We had a beautiful four-course meal. Both of us had chicken.

We spent some time on the decks to take in views of Angel Island and the Golden Gate Bridge. We ate dessert as we passed under the Bay Bridge before heading back to port.

Except it was the “ort of San Francisco” on Saturday night when we cruised.

We had an amazing time.

But, it also served to remind me that there is much more to life than running. There is more than marathon training. There is more than cross training. I wanted to lose the weight partially for my husband. He deserved a slimmer wife. But he never cared either way.

He’s stayed by my side for 10 years, through thick and thin. I’ve only been running for two years.

He takes me to most of my races. He’s there at the finish line. He doesn’t see my failures if I don’t make it all the way on a long training run. He rejoices in my successful moments.

He helps me stay balanced. He keeps everything in perspective. He’s good like that. And, for one night we enjoyed dinner without thinking about the calories or how it would effect my morning run. I’m not even bother that I decided not to run at all today. He had a good time. We had a good time. Sometimes that’s more important than a run.

Meet me Monday: Gear freak

I’m one to trade one vice for another. This happens more than I’d like. And I’m not talking about bad vices.

I don’t smoke. I rarely drink. I’m not into drugs or anything like that.

Instead, I have a huge 13 by 9-foot walk in closet and more clothes than I need to fill it.

At the beginning of 2011, I was still relatively new to running. (To be fair, I still am. I’ve only been running regularly for two years.) But the biggest difference between now and then, outside of the fact I need to shed a couple of pounds, isĀ  that I’m a lot more knowledgeable about the clothes I should be running in.

My greatest lesson? Cotton is bad. Very, very bad.

Except, in my case, if it’s Nike Dri-Fit Cotton t-shirts. I love those. I have a ton of those. They are really comfortable. I rarely worry about arm chafing. (I have fat little arms.)

Tangents aside, I’ve become a bit of a gear freak. I’m obsessed with trying new things out. I started out buying all Nike gear. My first running pants were Nike tech tights. I’ve realized I’m most comfortable running in tech capris.

I’m not a fan of tank tops.

My favorite socks are of the Nike Dri-Fit variety. Finding what I like to run in and what I’m most comfortable going the distance took some trial and error.

Over the summer I experimented with shorts (gasp!!!). If you knew me, you’d know I’m not big on shorts. But we had a rather warm summer. So I grabbed a pair of Nike running shorts at my local Fleet Feet store in Stockton.

Lately, though, I’ve been trying to be smarter about my gear. I notice a couple things in my pursuit.

I like items that can be multi-use. And I’d rather spent some money to find something great than buy cheap item after cheap item hoping that the shorts/shirt/socks will last until I can buy the next.

That brings me to some of my most recent purchases. Before the California International Marathon, I picked up a Nike thermal black long-sleeve to wear during the VERY cold morning run. It was cold enough for me to wear it for the first half of the marathon.

I love it. I’ve worn it as a base layer for long runs.

But I only had the option of buying it in black. This weekend, I found a pink one. It’s bright. Great for night running. The good news is that during the three months I’ve had the other one, the fleece inner (yes, warmth, yay!) hasn’t pilled at all.

I’ve also discovered Lululemon.

See the cute little pin stripes? They are the run: Speed short.

They aren’t adorable detail, even though they are. They are incredibly reflective in the dark when any sort of light hits them. I found a recommendation for these on a blog. Again on my quest to find items that are more reflective at night. I actually wore these while running the Big Sur Half Marathon on Monterey Bay in November.

I love them, but the length seems a little short on me. I still wear them, usually with another layer underneath.

Then I discovered the run: Turbo short.

These are a little longer. The pair pictured above are a special edition pair. The reflective detail is a ruffle. They aren’t all that special compared to a regular pair (to account for the more than $10 pay bump), but they are cute nonetheless.

I’ve ordered some more things from Lululemon lately. I even now own of the company’s gym essential bags. I’m planning to review that at some point here too.

In any case, I’m a gear freak. I feel kind of like a test dummy. I have some items that have worked. Others haven’t.

So I am still feeling my way a little bit. And it’s kind of burningĀ  a hole in my wallet. Just a little.